POLITICS: OPINION - “OH GOD OUR HELP IN AGES PAST…” (OUR LEADERS HAVE MESSED OUR LAND)

When the musical video featuring Nigerian past heads of government went viral recently, my first reaction was probably it was a photo trick or prank of some sorts. But when some television station started using it and making news out of it, quoting some government functionaries, I understood it was real.

The idea was noble, no doubt about it. I learnt they were all invited for the national end of the year thanksgiving church service at Abuja. The sing song aspect came after this. In attendance were General Yakubu Gowon (Retd) who ruled Nigeria for nine years, General Olusegun Obasanjo (Retd), who ruled Nigeria for almost eleven years, Dr Alex Ekwueme, who was Alhaji Sheu Shagari’s vice when he was the president for about five years, Commodore Ebitu Ukiwe, who served General Ibrahim Babangida (Retd) briefly as Chief of staff. Also in attendance was General Oladipo Diya who was the second in command to the late General Sani Abacha before they fell apart.

Their host of course was Professor Yemi Osibajo, the vice to the incumbent General Mohammadu Buhari. All these singers were understandably Christians and the song was taken from the church’s hymn book.

Dr. Goodluck Ebele Jonathan was conspicuously absent during the epoch making occasion. Why? Was he not invited? Was he out of the country? Did he reject the invitation? Has he been banned or barred from state official functions? No official reason has been given yet.

The lyrics of the song were meaningful, instructive and prayerful. The irony of it all is that all the singers without exception have hands in the present gory and recessive state of Nigeria.

Almost sixty years after crude oil was discovered in Nigeria, its exploration is still in the hands of multinational companies. We export crude oil with all its derivatives and import petroleum at exorbitant prices. Where is our nationalism? As I am writing this piece, I doubt if any of our refineries is working. The quest is to import and import so that some few cabals could benefit from it.

We neglect and abandon all other sources of national income and concentrate on petro-Naira. What you see in the ministries are pot belly contractors holding brief cases parading the corridors of power. They are not interested in executing any contract, their interest is to get the contract, pay the givers and sell the contract. That is why we have abandoned projects all over the place. That is why our roads have remained death traps. Instead of Roads safety officials to see to this, their interest is in issuance of driving license, number plate, speed limit, fire extinguishers etc. That was why somebody asked if they were Roads safety or vehicle safety?

 

ADVENTURES OF MR FAARI: GAME OF DEATH!

Things happened; same are gory while some are fatal. Thank your stars if you are not on the fast lane like me. I was in my usual drinking joint recently when some guys were discussing on their prowess on alcoholic consumption. After hot argument, they decided to put up a bet.

When they brought out this particular local brew, only one of them had the courage to accomplish the task. They eventually went ahead with the bet. N10, 000 was put down. The sharing ratio was  N5, 000 for the drinker  and N5, 000 for the sponsor.

The instruction was that the guy would drink directly from the bottle and would not hesitate or pause until he finished the whole content. They gave him two seconds to accomplish the task.

This frail looking guy picked the bottle, opened the cover and gulped down the whole content at a go. They clapped for him and the prize was shared. The story did not end there. After some minutes, this guy sprang up from his seat and bent down vomiting blood. They rushed at him and

he collapsed in their hands.

I realized it was time for me to go. When I got there few days later, I learnt the guy died before they took him to the hospital.

BEHAVE RESPONSIBLY; LIFE IS SHORT!

Lean on Me: Dear Aunty Meg

Dear Aunty Meg,

There was this guy that I befriended way back in secondary school. In fact, he was my first

man. We parted ways immediately after our final examination and lost contact. I went ahead to the University and capped it with some professional certificates. This guy did not have much education.

I have just been transferred to a branch of our company as the regional head. This guy is a store keeper in this branch. Before I got there I have been warned of a notorious store keeper whose cup of atrocities was already full. On arrival, the notorious store keeper happened to be my former lover.

This shameless guy kept on his notorious way. Even doing worse things than what I met in his records. I had called him to order several times, but seemed not to have grown at all; calling me his wife.

What can I do before this guy cost me my job.

-Henrienta

 

Henrienta,

I believe you will not allow this guy to cost you your job. Put past and sentiments behind you, do your job accordingly. You said there had been prior warnings on him. My advice is that you should follow the due process; issue him query on his notorious activities and deal decisively with him as stipulated in your company’s rules and regulations.

I wish you the best.

-Aunty meg

TUFIAKWA! CHIEF OGBONAYA CANNOT CHAIR MY WEDDING CEREMONY. I REJECT IT IN JESUS NAME.

 

   Chief Ogbonaya was my dad’s school mate in the University. In fact both of them studied law and were called to the bar the same year. They were so intimate that when my parents got married, Mr ogbonaya as he was called then, was the best man. He too got married the same year.

    The Chief and his wife were based in the North while my parents were based in the Eastern part of the country. One day, my parents called me and informed me that I had to move to Zaria and stay with Chief Ogbonaya and his wife. This decision came to me as a surprise, but when my dad explained and gave me details, I could not but agreed to stay with the couple.

    I had been at home for about three years after my school certificate examination without admission. My ambition was to be a lawyer like my dad. My younger brother luckily made all his papers at the first sitting and got admitted to study law at the University of Nigeria. You can now understand why I was desperate.

    The second reason was that Chief Ogbonaya’s wife did not conceive on time. The only child of the family, a boy was just about eight years old. It was concluded that I should go and assist the family while studying for the advance papers that would enable me enter the University.

    When I got to Zaria, I found the couple very accommodating. In fact, Chief Ogbonaya had secured admission for me at the University’s School of Arts and Science. I found the environment conducive and settled down for serious studies.

    Meanwhile, as time went on, I realized that the Chief always starred at me embarrassingly whenever we were alone, he would always find an excuse to touch me. The day he fondly patted me on my buttocks, I did not read any serious meaning to his action but one early morning when I was coming out of the bathroom, I met him in my room. Before I could rush back, he held me and grabbed my breasts    with both hands. “What is this?” I thought; he started squeezing my nipples. It was then I realized I was in great danger. I forcefully pushed him away and ran back to the bathroom and locked the door. It was after I heard the sound of the door that I quietly opened the bathroom door to peep at the room. He had left. I heaved a sigh of relief and went about my chores.

    My doom’s day did not tarry for long. Mrs Ogbonaya had to travel to the East on a family matter. I was left alone with her husband. On the following day of his wife’s absence, he got home very late in the night. He was heavily drunk. I had to stay awake to open the door of the house for him. I was already dosing off when I had his car horn hooting. I stood up and peeped out of the window to ascertain if he was the one. The gateman opened the gate and he drove in. He parked the car, opened the door and staggered out of it. I was already waiting for him at the main door by the time he got there. I greeted him collected his briefcase and closed the door.

    As I was already preparing to sleep, I had only my night gown on. To my chagrin, Chief Ogbonaya grabbed me right there in the sitting room, pushed me down on the couch. There was little or nothing I could do under his mighty strength. He deflowered me that night.

    When he woke up the following morning, he warned me never to tell anyone. After that first gruesome encounter, he made it a regular occurrence. Even when his wife was at home, he would surreptitiously come to my room and got me laid. I have never seen a deep sleeper like Mrs Ogbonaya, or could the husband been doping her with sleeping pills? I could not trust the man; it was not beyond what he could do.

    Respite came for me when the school went on vacation. With nothing much to do, I had to travel home. I told my mum that I was not going back to Zaria. When she insisted, I told her point blank that it would have to be over my dead body. She was visibly shaken and wanted to know the reason for my refusal. I parried all her enteritis. She eventually gave in.   

But with a condition that I had to secure admission into the University in a shortest time possible on this, we made a pact.

I did not know how she made it, but my dad did not press the issue further after his initial admonition. I intensified efforts on my studies as if my life depended on it. God crowned my efforts and I gained admission that same year.

I finished my course in good time and passed out from the law school in flying colours. During my service year, I met a young medical doctor who was the only child of his parents. Ekele, as he was called was head over heels in love with me. Both of us were deeply in love.

Both families were supportive and co-operative. They had already performed the traditional marriage rites. The wedding date had been fixed. We were working on the wedding programmes when my dad suggested that we should invite Chief Ogbonaya to come and chair the wedding reception ceremony.

I rejected this choice vehemently and there and then another choice was made. What would Ogbonaya be saying as the chairman to young couples? What advice could he give me on sanctity of matrimony? Tufiakwa! I reject him in Jesus name.