POLITICS OPINION: NIGERIA POLITICS: JOGGING ON THE SAME SPOT

By Femi Abulude 

The question on the lips of well meaning Nigerians and friends of the country is “Is

Nigeria Jinxed?” The   reason behind this question is not far fetched. All positive efforts to make the Nation work had always met brickwall. She got her independence in 1960 from the British Colonialists after several years of agitations by some patriotic elements on the political landscape then. The enthusiasm was infectious. The new nation had all what it needed to be great.

This hope for greatness was cut short few years later by military adventurists. Thus the political gladiators of the first republic were shot out of existence. Civil war ensued, many lives were loss and since then it has been stories of woes. Along the line, mother luck smiled on Nigeria, she struck crude oil in commercial quantities and we started spending money like the biblical prodigal son.

After years of political acrobatics, democracy was re-instated for the second time in 1999 instead of serving the people, the “New Breed” politicians started milking the populace. The unfortunate thing is that most of the fire-brand Gadflies who fought the military government to stand still could not make it to the political driving seat. The fortunate ones are the military apologies whom the military leaders were using as cannon fodders during their regimes.

Several political parties fought for elections in 1999, PDP got the highest votes; they won the presidency, most of the states and the two Federal Houses; Senate and House of Representatives. This was the commencement of the period of the jackals. It was free for all. Everybody was in-charge; there was no respect for party supremacy. Impunity was the order of the day. Democratic norms were thrown overboard. Nigeria became a pun in the hands of PDP for about sixteen years. Things eventually fell apart and the centre could not hold again for PDP, the self praised largest political party in Africa. Despite the federal election that was drawing near then, the broken china of the PDP were scattered all over the place and nobody could gather the pieces.

It was at this period that All Progressive Congress (APC) came with the “Change” Mantra with want of credible alternative to PDP Nigerians fell for the “Change” Slogan. Yours truly enthusiastically composed a song then. It goes thus:

“This wind of change

That is blowing in our land

Let it touch us all

Positively for that matter

Lets feel it oh!

Chineke meh

Abasi nbo

Obangiji

Metalokan o!

Let it touch us all”

The slogan worked. Table turned and APC won the elections at the centre. It unseated the sitting President, Goodluck Jonathan and Gen Mohammed Buhari got convenient majority members in the Senate and House of Representatives, the party won most of the states. That put an end to sixteen years rule of PDP. We thought Eldorado had come, how wrong we were!

Politic is a game of numbers. While in the quest for power, APC threw its doors and windows opened for all comers. This free for all entrance allowed the influx of dregs and disgruntled elements of PDP into APC. Most of the discredited former state governors and members who already had cases with Economics and Finance Crime Commission (EFCC) found their ways into the Senate and House of Representatives, some were even made ministers under APC. Within a short time, they became a formidable force within the party. They overpowered and over-shadowed the original owners of APC. Before we knew it, APC became Pseudo PDP.

It was their perpetual transfer of acts impunity and camaraderie that was responsible for the emergence of Ike Ekeremadu, a staunch PDP Leader as the Deputy Senate President. This was unprecedented in the annals of political history of Nigeria. This is pure evidence of APC being the two sides of a Coin. As if this was not enough, a Former PDP Chairman, Audu Ogbe, is the present Minister of Agriculture in Buhari government. The Senate President, Olusola Saraki, who has become a recalcitrant, was a two term Governor of Kwara State under PDP.

The unfortunate thing is that all positive efforts to move Nigeria forward by Buhari Government are being thwarted by these PDP elements in APC. They have seen APC as a safe haven against prosecution for their earlier committed financial crimes. These set of powerful elements in the Senate refused to approve, Ibrahim Magu, whom Buhari presented as the Chairman of EFCC. You can now appreciate why this war against corruption could not achieve much and the nation has been on a permanent state of stagnancy after more than two years of being on the saddle.

The crux of the matter is that our expectations are too high due to what we went through in the hands of PDP hawks. These expectations had beclouded our sense of judgment we are expecting someone coming fresh from the toilet to be smelling of roses. The home truth is that PDP has polluted APC to the extent that the venom has rendered it incapacitated that is why the wind of change could not blow. The President is always gasping for breath at the enormousity of the challenges, we are jogging quite alright, but we have not moved from the same spot.

The interesting thing now is that another election would soon come and the remnants  of the PDP are warming up. Even some decampees are returning to the party. You can now realize that the whole exercise is just personal aggrandizement and not service to the people.

The general consensus now is that we are tired of all these recycled elements. It is obvious that they cannot move Nigeria forward. They have got to their wit-end. They cannot perform more than what we have seen and experienced. They should give way or better still we should shove them aside and allow new and fresh idea to take over the political driver’s seat. The action should start now.

CAGED

By Femi Abulude

Peju was introduced to me as a business partner by Lasun. If his reputation with women was anything to go by, there would be more to it than just business associates. It did not take long before I was proved right. Peju was economically buoyant no doubt about it, and she used to dole out money to her close associates. True to type, she was enhancing Lasun’s business. When we became closer, she also showed interest in my business. She sent a sum of N250,000 through one of her friends called Tinuke. I called her on phone and expressed my appreciation. I also told Lasun and implored him to help me thank her.

Few months later, Lasun brought an invitation card of a funeral ceremony. He said the late Chief was Tinuke’s Uncle. I know this girl, she was the one Peju sent with the money she gave me, Lasun also gave me the cap material chosen for the party.

When we were preparing to take off for the party, Lasun advised that I should put on white coloured agbada Lace materials as he had done, I obeyed him. I later realized that Peju and her friend, the celebrant wore white Lace materials too. Come and see the spectacle. The four of us turned, out like two jolly couples, with purple head gear and cap to match.

Well wishers and invited guests were coming to exchange pleasantries with Tinuke. Some were even giving her gifts. I was hearing some of them whispering to her “S’awon niyen?” meaning “Is he the one?” insinuating if I was her husband. Surprisingly Tinuke was answering them in affirmative! I called Lasun aside and intimated him on this development. He explained that Tinuke had separated from her husband long time ago. That the guy had even travelled abroad and re-married. Since that episode she had been very wary of men.

 I felt a little relaxed, hoping that the play acting role would end after the party. How wrong I was? Few days later, Peju called me and said I should see her because she had a very important issue to discuss with me, what could it be? We have not seen each other after the party. It was only Tinuke that called to express her appreciation.

On the appointed date, I met Peju in her shop already waiting for me. I was ushered into her office. Everything about this lady smelt of wealth. After the initial pleasantries and appreciation for honouring her friends invitation to the party, she went straight to the point. “Mr. Olajide my friend said she liked you and would want both of you to start a relationship. Tinuke is a nice lady. “I’ve known her right from our secondary school days. Since then we had remained inseparable. She can never be a problem to you, instead she can add value to your life”. What answer should I provide for this poser? I asked myself .

Before I could say anything the door of the rest room flung opened and Tinuke emerged beaming with smile. “Ranti how are you? Thank you for the other day” Just like that! It has now become Ranti and not Mr. Olajide that she was calling me before. Peju just changed the topic. After some general gists, she called one of her maids and sent for food. She instructed her aloud to be fast. She came back in a jivy. When she set the table, the meal was arranged in two places, meaning I had to eat with Tinuke. That was how the relationship evolved.

Tinuke said she was looking for a more befitting house as the one she was staying was too small for her. She eventually got one at Mowe. According to the care – taker of the new house, the Landlord had given a stern warning not to give out the house to either a bachelor or a single lady. That was how I was drafted into the rent issue. She had to fill the form as my wife and I countered signed as her husband. It looked strange, “Mrs. Olajide” when the real Mrs. Olajide was at home! After some months, Tinuke claimed she was pregnant. I kicked against this and told her to terminate it. She refused and started calling me unprintable names. I stormed out of her house in annoyance and stopped picking her calls, I didn’t pick Peju’s calls as well.

When I told my friend Lasun about the development he thought it was funny. “Ranti, these ladies can take care of themselves, why are you bothering yourself over nothing?” He waved it off “Lasun, its easier said than done. See what you have caused. Can you face my wife and tell her what has happened and the roles you played or better still, if Peju gets pregnant for you can you look your wife in the face and reveal it to her? I now realized how stupid I had been listening to you”. I stormed out of his office in anger.

Out of desperation, Tinuke came to my house one Saturday morning. It was my wife that opened the door. I followed her to see who was at the door it was Tinuke! She brought out a sheet of paper and said she was looking for a certain number on the street. My wife told her that she has come to a wrong place. What an irony! Tinuke thanked her, gave me a cold look and left. I heaved a sigh of relief. I am already in a cage. Who knows what she would do next? Tinuke is at the verge of breaking my home. What can I do now?

ADVENTURES OF MR FAARI: SISI BONSUE AND EVIL SPIRIT

By Femi Abulude

Sola gentle is the owner of our drinking joint at Keth in the olden days. We called her

Sola gentle in her presence but when she was not within hearing shot, we called her Sola mental! She was very erratic. You could never predict her next move.

A friend, Kola, was befriending her. She was the one who openly told our friend that she liked him. That was how they started this amorous relationship. They went out together one weekend and became sworn enemies thereafter. When we asked Kola, what went wrong, he lamented that he could not really explained what happened. He said Sola just started throwing tantrums without any reason. All our efforts to settle the quarrel failed woefully.

When Sola introduced a friend of hers to me, I had my reservations. My opinion was the age long saying that “Show me your friend and I will tell you your character.” She was fondly called Sisi Bonsue, she was beautiful and caught my fancy. We were told that her finance died few weeks to their wedding ceremony and since then, she had not got any stable affairs. I decided to give her a trial. If you like, call me “Oloju ko mun o lo” (Womanizer). Sisi Bonsue was loving and caring, she was buying gifts for me. When last did a lady buy gift for Faari?. That was in the era of Dayo Falade, Bola For Sure and Iya Obokun. The rest were Iya Kalokalo!  They were out to milk me dry; the worst was Mercy Ogbodu.

The merry-go-round was not for long. It seemed evil spirit was following her, several terrible things started happening that I had to follow a friend to the prayer mountain to ward off the seemingly evil spirit.

The plane Sisi Bonsue and I boarded to Abuja on a weekend trip narrowly escaped crash landing. As if that was not enough, the taxi that was carrying us to the hotel got burnt after passing the Abuja National Stadium. That same night some dare devil armed robbers visited our hotel and dealt with all the occupants mercilessly.

When I got to Lagos, a query was waiting for me for missing a very important news story of national importance. It look the grace of God before I could be left off the look, I could have lost my job.

These were the reasons behind my striking Bonsue out of my system then.

 

BEHAVE RESPONSIBLY, AIDS IS REAL!         

POLITICS: MADU, SEUN AND STABILIZER

By Femi Abulude

There is this vibrant middle aged guy of Igbo extraction in my neighbourhood. His name is Maduabuchi but we fondly call him Madu. He is into electronics merchandise at Idumota Market in Lagos Island. He even claimed he has another branch at Alaba International Market along Badagry expressway, in Lagos. Madu is always ready to deliver electronics appliances and electrical wires at cheaper rates to willing residents.

Madu has also caught the Biafra bug. His voice was always the loudest among his peers whenever they were discussing national issues. Understandably, he always defended the Biafra course.

The following discussion took place between Madu and one of his friends Seun recently.

MADU:     Oga Seun, is it true that if we succeeded in this Biafra mandate, all the Igbos in Lagos would go home?

SEUN:       Madu, I am afraid, it would not only be in Lagos but throughout Nigeria. That is the home truth.

MADU:     What would then happen to my property here and my shops at Idumota and Alaba?

SEUN:       You may have to leave them or sell them. If you don’t want to do these, you may decide to carry them along with you.

MADU:     Carry them to where, Oga Seun?

SEUN:       To your village of course!

MADU:     You can’t be serious Oga Seun. Is it possible to carry house? Is it also true that I’ll have to obtain visa to come back to Nigeria?

SEUN:       Madu don’t put me in trouble. Is it possible for you to travel to another country without obtaining visa?

MADU:     So Nigeria would now become another country if we achieved Biafra?

SEUN:       Madu, provide the answer yourself. Please let us put an end to this discussion. I am no longer comfortable with it. How much is a set of stabilizer? I need a new one for my computer.

MADU:     Oga Seun you are dodging my question.

SEUN:       “Madu, me, I no know book!” When you are going to Idumota tomorrow call on me, so that you can collect the money for the stabilizer. I need it urgently.

MADU:     I get your message Oga Seun. We really need to stabilize this our country, Nigeria…

MADU:     (sings) This Nigeria na we own make he no pafuka…

JUST ONE SHOT!

By Femi Abulude

There was not much for me to do in the office on that day, being the last working day of the week and of the month I hit the road. Surprisingly too, the road was free of the usual traffic jam. It was therefore an easy ride home listening to my favourite music.

I was about 500 metres to the bus stop that branched to my house when I sighted this pretty lady at the bus stop. Before I could get to her, she had started flagging me down. I slowed down my vehicle and rolled down the side glass. I packed beside her. She begged for a lift and I signaled for her to enter. She did and that was the genesis of my predicament.

After the initial pleasantries, where she said she was going was about two bus - stops after my own. I offered to drop her there. Her next statement startled me. “Don’t tell me you are going home straight. What would a young man like you be doing at home at this time of the day? Helping madam with household chores? “She teased”.

I stole a glance at her beside me. This girl really has guts I thought.

“Come of it, men like you should have a social club to retire to at the end of a day work” she continued. “If you don’t mind a friend of mine has a small drinking joint down the road. We can branch there and get to know each other better. “This lady was un-usually too forward” I mused. Curiosity took the better of me. I followed her like a walking zombie. Her name was Nkiru.

When we got to her friends place, it came out to be a Beer Parlour. But unfortunately, the place was not too far away from the shop of one of the elders of our church. After settling down, I told Nkiru this. She called her friend whom I later knew was called Mama Asuquo and discussed briefly with her. She came back and said Mama Asuquo would follow me to the fuel filling station near the joint. This was where I packed my car. When I came back, they had re - arranged our sitting position.

Mama Asuquo served us drinks and pepper soup. Nkiru topped her own with Nkwobi. This lady could drink. Within a spate of one hour, she had drunk three bottles of big stouts. She disclosed that she was a single mother of two. She worked as a secretary in a factory but presently she was jobless.

She confessed she was befriending her expatriate boss, who was taking proper care of her. When the man went back to his country, a black man took over from him. This man who was privy to the relationship between her and the Indian lover man wanted them to start a relationship as well. This she refused vehemently. Since that time, she knew no peace in that place. He eventually sacked her on flimsy excuse of inflating the cost of an electric kettle she was asked to buy. Her immediate problem was how to solve her house rent which would due in few days time. “Ah! This lady can talk!” I thought. My warning signal kept on beeping but I refused to listen.

When it was getting dark she suggested we change our location. The next port of call was a hotel. By this time I was a getting tipsy. One thing led to the other and I slept with her. Nkiru was a maniac on bed. I got clumsy as everything was moving too fast for me. When we were going, I gave her N10, 000 ( Ten thousand Naira only). She accepted it, thanked me and told me not forget the house rent she said was N150, 000. I was silently praying that the cup should quickly pass over me. I would run away from Nkiru, she would never see me again. We parted.

How wrong I was! Nkiru refused to go. She started calling me on phone. When she realized my intension was to dump her, she started sending text messages even at odd times. My wife started getting suspicious, but I parried all her insinuations.

Unknown to me, Nkiru had traced me to my church member’s shop. She had spilled the bean to this elderly man. The man called me on phone and said there was a serious issue he would like to discuss with me. I almost fainted. I plucked up courage and went to the man. He went straight to the point. He expressed his disappointment at my indiscression. He explained what Nkiru told him. He said her types are home breakers whom responsible men should always steer clear of. He advised that I should settle her because she had become very desperate.

That was how I had to eat the humble pie and call Nkiru. I begged her. She hit her roof and started calling me names; threatening hell and brimstone. After much begging and persuasion she agreed to take N50, 000.

Few months later, I started feeling some burning sensation all over my body. My wife also complained about the same symptoms. When we could no longer mange it again, we decided to consult our family doctors.

He conducted series of tests and told us to come back for the results. The doctor later confirmed that we were suffering from syphilis.

Spontaneously, my wife and I chorused, “WHAT!” the doctor repeated “Syphilis!” my wife asked “How?” I could not ask the same question. It was definitely through my unprotected coital relationship with Nkiru.

A shot at Nkiru had landed me and my wife in fatal trouble. Who knows if the children are safe too? My wife’s question; “HOW?” kept echoing in my brain. How? How? How?

 

BOOK REVIEW: BLUE COLLAR LAWMAN By: Harold Smith

Chapter 1

At the time Macmillan recorded his afore mentioned view, he was heavily engaged with Suez. This glaring example of dirty work abroad was a total failure. Undeterred, Macmillan re–read a life of Machiavelli, and turned his attention to Nigeria and its newly discovered oil fields. On 21 July 1956 he had written, “The Government’s position is very bad at present. Nothing has gone well. In the Middle East we are still teased by Nasser and Co.; this Colonial Empire is breaking up; and many people view with anxiety the attempt to produce Parliamentary Democracy is such places as Nigeria…”

“Many people” doubtless include the oil companies and Tory and Labour politicians. In fact, the first stage of the Independence Elections was rigged in 1956, when I, with my colleague Charles Bunker, was ordered by the Governor General to take a major evident on the ground that planning had been in hand for some time.

Although of great international importance, not one civil servant blew the whistle on the awful lies told by Government Ministers during the Suez affair. This was a largely public event, and one of its major aims (which were denied) was regime change. Blair, another lying Prime Minister, was more successful in Iraq.

It is clearly better to conduct dirty work abroad in secret. Macmillan kept a close eye on the Independence arrangements for Nigeria, where a showpiece of democracy was to be cynically destroyed and a set of corrupt stooges invested with power. I blew the whistle on that treason in 1956 and Macmillan knew, through his son – in – law Julian Amery, the measures taken to shut me up. Suez was illegal; Nigeria was illegal if Suez was illegal. The British publics still do not know of the treason which killed three million in Nigeria, but Tony Blair knew!

It seems that it was British parliament democracy that was being set aside by Harold Macmillan. Our stooges, who did not want the British to leave – the most backward and feudal we could find had power thrust on them. Nobody believed the mass of the people who followed their nationalist leaders could possibly have voted for those awful creatures and, in fact, very few did, but who cared when the British were counting the votes! Amazingly at the victory celebrations on Independence Day, not a single nationalist leader was on the platform when the union flag was lowered.

Had Macmillan feared the Nigeria people were not ready for Independence, he could easily have postponed it. After regime change in Persia and the Suez adventure, one might have expected Macmillan to be cautious. It was not to be. What is for sure is that it was not the welfare of the Nigeria people that Macmillan had in mind in screwing up democracy in Nigeria. There was also the small problem of consequences. What would happen to our stooges at elections when the British were not there to count the votes.

Clearly, the opposition had to be smashed, and in no time the leaders of the Action Group were framed on trumped–up treason charges. Would not this increase the risk of a coup? Our stooges were gunned down in 1966, and the Ibo were for a moment victorious. A British counter – coup restored our boys in power and sadly involved a pogrom. The Ibo declared for Independence, and they were put down by the force of British arms.

Did Macmillan feel any regret? Why should he, when the British kept control of the oil fields? Only three million died, and they were black, and a hagiographer of Balewa recorded that only one person of note was killed. So that was all right!

Was Macmillan an honourable gentleman? Or a cruel war criminal? Was he a democrat? He was certainly not going to own up. Indeed he took extreme measures to prevent the present writer telling the British people of his exploits.

The British had sold the Nigerians into slavery. Then they stole their country. Then they stole their mineral resources. Then they killed them. What next, one wonders? It would seem that Macmillan did not believe in teaching by example.

TO BE CONTINUED…

LEAN ON ME AUNTY MEG: SHOULD I TAKE HER BACK?

There was this pretty girl I fell in love with in our neighbourhood, she was the only child of her parents. The mother knew of our relationship but always begged me not to have any sexual relationship with her daughter. The advice even got to an embarrassing stage at a point. She made me swear an oath that I would not touch her until our wedding night.

After completing my studies, I went for the mandatory one year National Youth
Service. Fortunately for us, my girl also gained admission into a Polytechnic. I learnt she suddenly got pregnant. On hearing this, my world seemed collapsed. A friend even sent a picture of her in protruding belly to my phone.

She gave birth to a baby girl, but the guy whom she claimed impregnated her refused paternity. Her mother had been sending emissaries to me of late that I should forgive her and take my lover back.

Aunty Meg, what should I do?

---- Shadrack.

Shedrack,

My answer to your question is like this. An elder once told me that giving your enemy another chance in a precarious situation was like providing him/her another bullet to kill you after missing at the first attempt. Therefore instead of wasting your time on this abandoned vessel, why don’t you look for your own wife elsewhere? If the guy who impregnated her had accepted paternity, would she still have come back to you? Wake up Shadrack.

__ Aunty Meg