Saturday 16 July 2016

I KICKED UNCLE OKPE IN THE BALLS AND HE YELLED LIKE A BABY

My dad was a very handsome man, we were told how girls used to flock around him like bees to their hives when he was young. It was quite obvious that the beauty ran in the family because all his brothers were handsome while the females were beautiful. When his first wife left him after two children, dad realized that looks alone could not sustain relationship, especially among grown ups.

Dad was handsome quite alright. But he did not have corresponding financial clout to sustain his array of female admirers.  The moment he was laid off in the ministry of works where he was a senior supervisor, his fortune nose dived.                   All his efforts at getting another well paid job failed woefully.

When he was at the ministry, apart from his monthly salary, which was not enough to sustain him, his young family and his extra marital affairs, he had addition or extra income because he was in charge of procurement.  This gave him the privilege of cutting corners and short changing his employers.

He was eventually caught during one of the illegal dealings and he was sacked. The sudden termination of his appointment did not give him time to prepare for eventuality.  The little amount he had in the bank soon got exhausted. What quickly exposed him was that he refused to face the reality of his joblessness in good time. Months after he lost his job, he was still patronizing his regular drinking joints and his array of women. When the money got dried up eventually, the women refused to surface again. He became distraught and his wife was the butt of his frustration.  The wife soon left when she could no longer cope.

Despite this predicament, dad still remained attractive. His targets then were the married women and divorcees. My mum was one of his victims.

Mum had got three children for her first husband before he died of a protracted illness. She met my dad in a party.  One thing led to the other and before mum knew it, she was pregnant for this handsome man who swept her off her feet with his dashing looks.

The pregnancy was about six months old before mum knew whom dad really was. It was therefore too late for her to retract her steps mum was comfortable by all standards.  What she was looking for was companionship, therefore she seldom visited him at home. On this particular visit, what she met was shameful. Two women were fighting over my dad. The two warring women practically naked each other, and dad was in-between them trying helplessly to separate them. Mum had seen enough. She turned back and vowed never to have anything to do with him again.

Before you start blaming her for not looking properly before she leaped, consider this. The party where they met was a high society one. Dad was in his best clothes and in company of well fed people. Although dad was poor, his family belonged to a dynasty and the name opened doors of opportunities.  Probably, the name could have done some magic for him, but his act at the ministry has given him the tag of the black sheep of the family. Therefore everyone tried to ostracize him. In short, nobody wanted to identify with the black sheep.

I was born a girl after same eight years, my dad came for me. My mum refused initially but when the issue was getting into scandal, mum reneged in order to protect her other children.   She dumped me with his mother. Growing up was fun, so I thought.  I was shuttling between my granny’s place, my dad’s and mum’s during vacation.  This afforded me the opportunity of knowing three of them intimately.
There was this uncle of mine that worked with an oil company. She was very rich and always on foreign trips to France, Geneva and so on. She had even paid my school fees on several occasions uncle Okpe always sent credit on my mobile phone. His favourite song when he was tipsy with wine was.
            Ope o ku o
            E wo mariwo okpe o!
Meaning palm tree has not died o.
            As you can see the life
            Palm fronds!
           
This particular day, he called me on phone and requested that I should meet him at a hotel in Surulere area of the city to come and collect the project money I requested he said he was attending is a conference there and that if I got there before him, I should collect a note from the receptionist.
            
When I got to the hotel, uncle was already there. I saw his latest jeep packed in the car park. I approached the lady receptionist and was directed to room 137 on the first floor.  The receptionist must have informed him of my presence; because when I knocked on the door of the chalet, he answered immediately and told me to come in.
            
She seemed to have rehearsed the scenario very well. Immediately I entered, he set the ball rolling. Don’t let me deceive you, the moment I entered that chalet, I knew I was in for real trouble. He went straight to the point. He went about narrating how beautiful I was. He said I had combined the beauty of my mum with that of their family.  He assured me that I would never be in want again if I succumbed to his desire to sleep with me.
            
As he was saying this, he was all over me, hugging me and literally pulling of my dress. I tried to push him off. He dashed to where he kept his brief case. He opened it and I saw bales of thousand naira notes.  I swallowed hard at the sight. I told myself that I had to be very careful of this man.  I knew within me that part of those money belonged to me, but how I would earn it without losing my pride and committing an abomination remained a mirage.  I decided to play along with him by massaging his ego. I removed my blouse and spread it in one of the chairs. He rushed at me, grabbed my breasts and yanked one of them out of the bra! I told him to relax. I said he should allow me to remove the bra by myself. I was thinking fast I returned the breast back into the cup. I made to unbuckle the bra when a thought suddenly occurred to me.   Uncle Okpe was already poised for action. He had removed all his clothes, left for his boxer pant. His rampaging manhood was roaring to go into action. I moved close to him and held his manhood. I gave it a gentle stroke. He seemed to have been assured of my resolve to play along with him. I excused myself and strolled into the toilet taking my bag with me. I shut the door and sat on the toilet seat. I was crying and thinking I gazed at the wall and saw a list of telephone numbers pasted on the wall. I stood up and had a closer look at it. I saw police, Health services, Road safety, EFCC, Rapid response squad, NDLEA, Fire-service etc.
            
When I got to fire services, I paused and thought deeply. I could recollect that when I was coming into the hotel, few meters away was a fire station. I decided to call the station. I told the officer on the control board in a agitated voice, that there was a rampaging fire at the hotel. The man replied that they would be there right away. They did!
            
Uncle Okpe must have heard my voice because he asked what the matter was. I told him that I was answering a call and that I would soon join him. Siren had started blaring. My trick had worked!
            
Few minutes later, he banged on the door and asked me to come out.                         I opened the door for him. When he saw my nudity, he swallowed hard and murmured, “Tito, you have to dress up. There is a fire outbreak on one of the floors. In fact the fire service men are downstairs.  We have to get out of here fast. Everybody had been ordered out.”
            
He was visibly shaken. He gathered his clothes and dashed into the toilet to pee.  I ran out into the room. Before he could come out, I opened his briefcase and helped myself into some neat bales of the naira notes. I greedily loaded them into my poly bag and dropped it by the door. When uncle came out, he only gave me two thousand naira and promised to call me again.  I quickly dressed up, picked my poly bag and ran out of the hotel, thanking my star!.

            
Uncle Okpe called me on phone the following day but not to book another appointment.  He was raking about his money; yelling like a baby.

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