IS THIS HONEY MOON OR HONEY SUN?

Few years ago while at school of nursing, I joined some of my peers to play some dangerous pranks. One of them has turned out to be my undoing now.

On several occasions; we were contracted out as hostesses during seminars, state sponsored events and other social outings. In the real sense, the word ‘hostess’ is an acronym for prostitute. There were some syndicates in charge of these activities. What you need to do to have regular patronage was to get registered with them.
Another of my escapades was “Tango with dog.” In the game of dogs, we would be asked to have sex with dog under video coverage. The organizers of this game signed undertaking with us never to sell or release the video within the shore of Africa. They assured us that it would be taken to far flung countries like Russia, Ukraine, and Vietnam etc., where nobody could recognize us. We made a lot of money through this, because they were paying us in foreign currencies. We were living big on the campus.

When I left school, I started working in a very large hospital. It was there I met this handsome young doctor on housemanship. Our relationship blossomed and we got married.

We decided to go to Australia for our honeymoon. My husband had this cousin who looked exactly like him. The resemblance was so striking that they looked like identical twins. Gabby, my husband had shown me many of his pictures. This guy was also married and based in Australia. I was eager to meet him.

When we landed in Australia, the couple was happy to receive us. The similarities between Sammy and my husband were striking. His wife also marveled at these. We were enjoying our honeymoon without any distractions when I foolishly used my hand to pick trouble.

Four of us were relaxing in the sitting room one cool afternoon when I walked to their compact disc shelf and picked one. I did not even bother to check the jacket. I slotted it into the home theatre set.

Behold, the compact disc was rolling. The camera zoomed into the face of this young black lady. It also had a close shot on the big fierce looking dog. It then had the panoramic view of the scene where the lady was slowly removing her clothes. She was eventually in total nudity.

She knelt on all fours. The big dog climbed on her back and started simulating sexual act; pumping into her furiously, she was groaning as if in pains.

Back into the room, all eyes were on me with mouth agape. I fainted! Only God knew for how long that took. I just found myself in a bed in the hospital. It was Ann, the cousin’s wife and a nurse that I saw beside my bed. Where is Gabby? Where is Sammy? I wondered.

Ann later disclosed to me that Gabby had left for Nigeria the previous day. After spending a week in the hospital, I was discharged and boarded the next flight to Nigeria. On arrival, Gabby did not talk to me; He had not sent me away but had been avoiding me like a plague. He had not uttered a single word to me since.

Whom should I confide in to help me beg my husband? What can I do to win my husband back? Please help me.

OPINION: TINUBU AND THE REALITY ON GROUND

Senator Bola Hammed Tinubu fondly called Asiwaju which literally translates as “The Leader” has no doubt paid his dues in the political land scape of Nigeria. Right from the SDP, NADECO, AD, AC, ACN through the formation and emergence of the mega-party APC which eventually swept off the self acclaimed biggest political party in the continent; PDP. Tinubu is no doubt a colossus, feathering his nest at every stage of his political career. He no doubt has a large political followership cutting across tribal, religious and ethnic barriers. These three albatrosses had always been the bane of partisan politics in Nigeria. Tinubu has been able to ride their storms successfully.

As popular as the man is in Nigeria politics today, nobody can really accuse him of tribal jingoism. He is a bridge builder no wonder he was installed as the “Jagaban” of Borgu in the North Eastern part of Nigeria. His bridge building process paid off in the emergence of the mega party; APC.

While his political opponents find him difficult to tackle, his political followers are increasingly pinning the toga of dictatorship on him. The criticism is from within. They queried his democratic claims. They are accusing him of forcing his candidates on the majority at every level of the political landscape.

A typical example was what happened in Kogi State. Abiodun Faleke was a local government chairman in Lagos State. He won election on the platform of APC into the Federal House of Representatives, representing Lagos State. While still in the Federal house, he rode on the back of Tinubu to become the running mate of Late Prince Abubakar Audu during the gubernatorial tussle. When Audu died, Faleke fought tooth and nail to replace Audu, an act which the democrats in the party faulted. This was still going on while Faleke has not resigned his membership of the house. The general opinion was that Faleke could not have challenged the party if he did not have approval of his god father. When Faleke was not successful through legal means, he licked his wounds and quietly resumed his sitting in the house, still representing Lagos State. As if there was nobody qualified to occupy the seat.

While the Jagaban and his political son were still Sulking the loss, Ondo State election came. Political watchers thought Rotimi Akeredolu would be the automatic choice of the party because he was their candidate in the previous election which he lost to the Incumbent, Governor Olusegun Mimiko. Tongues were wagging that Akeredolu fondly called “Aketi” had fallen apart with Tinubu. As the tension was mounting, Tinubu came up with another candidate in person of Abraham Oke. Akerdolu was accused of being a surrogate of Tinubu at his first shot. Rumours had it that Tinubu saw the hands of the National Chairman of the party, Chief Odigie Oyegun in all these he accused the Edo Chief of checkmating his hold on the party.

My take on all these is that Tinubu should practicalise his democratic theories in its entirety. We love him and it is painful the way his political relevance is dwindling. Imposition destroys the political family and gives room for disintegration. He should allow every candidate to exercise his/her political freedom without any iota of freedom favoritism or hindrances. He should treat all party candidates as his political sons/daughters. This way, his fatherly relevance will be sustained and the party will remain strong.

Dear Aunty Meg

Dear Aunty Meg,

Please aunty; I want you to help me out of my present predicament. My boss had a guest recently; a childhood friend of his who just came back from Europe. He asked me to take him to a nearby hotel for launch and promised to join us later.

As we were getting down from my car, I saw my bosom friend’s wife hand in hand with another man entering the chalet of the hotel. She did not see me. When my boss eventually came, I had to go back to the office leaving the two friends behind.

As I was rushing out of the bar, I met the two lovers at the entrance again. The man was holding her by the waist. This time around, both of us saw each other! She was visibly shaken and pushed the man away. The man looked at me and felt embarrassed too. We did not say anything to each other and we went our different ways.
To my chagrin, since then, my friend had been behaving in an awkward way towards me. He had refused to pick my calls. What can I do now aunty?

Atewe.

Dear Atewe,

It seems the woman had lied against you. I advise you implore your other friends to inquire what his recent behavior is about. If you know this, then you would know what to do next. Don’t do anything drastic yet. The truth will surely prevail.

Aunty Meg

ADVANTURES OF MR FAARI: WHAT GOES ROUND…

Two popular sayings hit me so hard recently. One was Everyday for the thief, only a day for the owner. The other one was What goes round comes round. The real implications of these aphorisms dawn on me, in a hard way. A friend who is a top military brass had just been promoted. Friends of several years thought this was an avenue for us to get together, therefore a party was organized in his honor. The venue was his home town, which has a state university. The advance party, that is, some of our friends who went earlier had arranged some female undergraduates. These young girls acted as their “wrappers” if you know what I mean. Patto and I got to the town very late, because I had to settle my sister in the nearby school. The head of the “comfort” team, a beautiful young lady promised us that our own girls had been sought for from the nearby university town. The girls were late in coming. When they eventually came, we had all settled in our various rooms. I suddenly had this knock on my door, but I was already in the bathroom. I heard the door opened and the head girl was giving  a girl instructions to be of good conduct. The door jammed and there was silence. I hurriedly finished my bath and opened the toilet door. Behold there was this beautiful girl of about eighteen years old sprawling on the bed in total nudity. I moved closer to her. Was I seeing double? Was I dreaming? It was Romoke! Eemo re o ! Abomination! You want to know Romoke ? Romoke was my sister I gave money to few hours ago in her school! Aaah ! Faari, ti e ba o  !!!        

TANGO IN YEMEN

Kelvin and I met in the bank years ago. Both of us were employed in the headquarters on the same day. We were later on transferred to a branch in the remote part of the state.

One thing led to another and we became lovers. Our marriage was consummated two years later. The marriage was blessed with two children, one girl and a boy.

Years later, we were thrown into labour market, no thanks to the economic down turn rampaging our country at the time. Most of the companies and organizations felt the recession. They were down sizing their staff strength. Our bank was no exception. When the retrenchment news filtered to us, we thought the exercise would only be limited to the staff in the headquarters. How wrong we were. Few months after, we were also swept off by the staff rationalization exercise.

What could we do? Husband and wife jobless at the same time with two extra mouths to feed and several other dependants and aged parents to take care of. Respite came when we were introduced to some syndicates who specialized in recruitment of people into foreign lands. Both of us attended the interview but we were told that the available job was that house help. The destination was the Asiatic country called Yemen.

Yemen? That was my first time of hearing the name. We were told that Yemen was an Islamic country located in the Middle East. The oil rich country was bordered by the Red sea, Saudi Arabia and Indian Ocean.

The arrangement was queer in the sense that the syndicate would be responsible for our visas and flight tickets. The amount spent would later on be deducted from our salaries on monthly basis until we redeemed the entire amount spent. Left with little or no choice, I agreed to go.

On arrival, I was met with cultural shock. Everything was quite different from the way we were in Nigeria. Their resting day was Friday. This was the day they attended Jumat service in the mosque. It was like our Sunday in Nigeria.

 At Yemen, I was sent to a private home made of the husband wife and their son Fuad, who was in his twenties. From the on set, the mother of the house had warned me to steer clear of the men in the house. She narrated how their former househelp; a Kenyan was caught sleeping with both her husband and their son, she said the girl was lucky to have escaped with the skin of her teeth.

She warned that I should listen attentively to what would be my fate, if I should be caught. Her countenance suddenly changed and she snarled in faultering English that she would kill me, slice my body into small pieces, pack the carcass into a sack and throw it into the sea; never to be seen again. She added that before anybody could sense my absence, she would have lodged complaints of elopement with their jewelries, money and other valuables.

Two months into my assumption of duty, the husband suddenly sneaked into my room located far away from the man building. He did not even say anything to me. He did not use to talk much. What did he want? I wondered; before I could ask him, he suddenly jumped on me like a Tiger, tore my dress in shreds, pushed me down and raped me right there on the rug. After satisfying his lust, he rose up and left the room quietly as he had entered.

Two days after, almost about the same time his father came, Fuad, their son entered my room. Both parents had gone out. I saw them when they were driving out. He did not rush at me like his father. His own method was blackmail.

He said he saw what transpired between me and his father the other day. He said he even had everything recorded. He said I should cooperate with him gently if I did not want him to report to his mother.

He started removing his clothes. Who would I report to? It was their world against mine. They owned the land.

After that episode, both the dad and the son made it regular occurrences. What do I do now? See what fraud and corruption in our land have led us into!

   Reader’ comments are welcome.

 Editor 

 

 

OPINION: RUBBIE AND ASO ROCK DEMONS!

Tongues have been wagging on the possibility of some demons residing in the Aso villa; Nigerian seat of power. The claims had it that these demons are always on duty 24/7. These demons mislead the leaders and turn their good intentions into bad ones immediately they entered the villa. Some even went into the extent of saying that these demons were responsible for the death of two heads of government and a first lady.

These assertions were corroborated recently by no other person than our own Reuben Abati. For emphasis sake, Mr. Reuben Abati, whom I fondly called “Eni arugbo ti kekere ye” was a first class journalist , former chairman editorial board  of  Guardians Newspapers (Nigeria) and the former media man for former president Dr Goodluck Jonathan. With these resume, one cannot dismiss with a wave of hand his comments.

In his piece about haunted Aso rock villa, Reuben alleged that demons walked upside down; some men were sterile and could not perform their matrimonial duties. Women too were seeing ghosts even in the daylight and several deaths were recorded. He claimed he refused to sleep in his official quarters throughout his tenure for fear of being killed by these demons. How true all these are, we can never tell, until the people in authority open a positive book of remembrance for yours truly to come and serve in Aso villa!

What surprised me was that immediately Reuben wrote this revelation, EFCC opened a negative book of remembrance for him and invited him to come and account for some money traced into his account. Since then, he has been singing like canary in the custody of EFCC. Could it be that the Aso villa demons are not yet through with Reubie?

AFFECTION SCHOOL 3 in 1 Ceremonies on Sat/17/Dec 2016 @ The School Premises

EVENT: AFFECTION SCHOOL 3 in 1 Ceremonies:

 

 

The Management of Affection School Cordially invites you to their 3in 1 Ceremonies 

 

10th Year Anniversary

Christmas Party

Graduation Ceremony

 

VENUE:

Affection School, 3 Femi Abulude, Ita-Oluwo via Ogijo, Ikorodu Lagos.

 

DATE:

Saturday 17th December 2016

 

TIME:

12 Noon Prompt!

 

For More Information:

Please call 234 8032276015 or 234 7030545086

 

Donations will be thankfully received!

 

We look forward to welcoming you all there!

LEAN ON ME: Aunty Meg

Dear Aunty Meg,

I am in a fix I married my present husband after the untimely demise of my former husband. We had only one daughter after several years of remaining childless. He died when the girl was just twelve years old. I eventually settled with a widower who had grown up children. Not long after my packing into his house, he lost his job. He suddenly became a changed man. He became a drunk and was nagging like hell. My trouble started when I caught him sleeping with my thirteen years old daughter. The girl confessed that he had been doing this with her for some time, but threatened to kill her if she spills the bean. On sighting this gory scene, I could not control myself. I made a fuss over the issue. Our neighbors intervened and he was arrested by the police. His children rallied round him and he was released on bail.

 

Since then I knew no peace. His children had threatened me with eviction from their house. The shameless man had even refused to talk to me since he was released on bail. What can I do now?

-Binta .

I think the only option left for you is to pack out of that God forsaken place. There is no way you can find peace in that house again. The battle line is drawn. The children had seen nothing wrong in what their father had done. This is quite unfortunate. Obtaining his bail from police custody does not mean the end of the case. We have competent bodies that see to the plights of women and defenseless citizens. Seek their assistance or better still get in touch with me. This man must not go unpunished.

-Aunty Meg