POLITICS: OPINION - “OH GOD OUR HELP IN AGES PAST…” (OUR LEADERS HAVE MESSED OUR LAND)

When the musical video featuring Nigerian past heads of government went viral recently, my first reaction was probably it was a photo trick or prank of some sorts. But when some television station started using it and making news out of it, quoting some government functionaries, I understood it was real.

The idea was noble, no doubt about it. I learnt they were all invited for the national end of the year thanksgiving church service at Abuja. The sing song aspect came after this. In attendance were General Yakubu Gowon (Retd) who ruled Nigeria for nine years, General Olusegun Obasanjo (Retd), who ruled Nigeria for almost eleven years, Dr Alex Ekwueme, who was Alhaji Sheu Shagari’s vice when he was the president for about five years, Commodore Ebitu Ukiwe, who served General Ibrahim Babangida (Retd) briefly as Chief of staff. Also in attendance was General Oladipo Diya who was the second in command to the late General Sani Abacha before they fell apart.

Their host of course was Professor Yemi Osibajo, the vice to the incumbent General Mohammadu Buhari. All these singers were understandably Christians and the song was taken from the church’s hymn book.

Dr. Goodluck Ebele Jonathan was conspicuously absent during the epoch making occasion. Why? Was he not invited? Was he out of the country? Did he reject the invitation? Has he been banned or barred from state official functions? No official reason has been given yet.

The lyrics of the song were meaningful, instructive and prayerful. The irony of it all is that all the singers without exception have hands in the present gory and recessive state of Nigeria.

Almost sixty years after crude oil was discovered in Nigeria, its exploration is still in the hands of multinational companies. We export crude oil with all its derivatives and import petroleum at exorbitant prices. Where is our nationalism? As I am writing this piece, I doubt if any of our refineries is working. The quest is to import and import so that some few cabals could benefit from it.

We neglect and abandon all other sources of national income and concentrate on petro-Naira. What you see in the ministries are pot belly contractors holding brief cases parading the corridors of power. They are not interested in executing any contract, their interest is to get the contract, pay the givers and sell the contract. That is why we have abandoned projects all over the place. That is why our roads have remained death traps. Instead of Roads safety officials to see to this, their interest is in issuance of driving license, number plate, speed limit, fire extinguishers etc. That was why somebody asked if they were Roads safety or vehicle safety?

 

ADVENTURES OF MR FAARI: GAME OF DEATH!

Things happened; same are gory while some are fatal. Thank your stars if you are not on the fast lane like me. I was in my usual drinking joint recently when some guys were discussing on their prowess on alcoholic consumption. After hot argument, they decided to put up a bet.

When they brought out this particular local brew, only one of them had the courage to accomplish the task. They eventually went ahead with the bet. N10, 000 was put down. The sharing ratio was  N5, 000 for the drinker  and N5, 000 for the sponsor.

The instruction was that the guy would drink directly from the bottle and would not hesitate or pause until he finished the whole content. They gave him two seconds to accomplish the task.

This frail looking guy picked the bottle, opened the cover and gulped down the whole content at a go. They clapped for him and the prize was shared. The story did not end there. After some minutes, this guy sprang up from his seat and bent down vomiting blood. They rushed at him and

he collapsed in their hands.

I realized it was time for me to go. When I got there few days later, I learnt the guy died before they took him to the hospital.

BEHAVE RESPONSIBLY; LIFE IS SHORT!

Lean on Me: Dear Aunty Meg

Dear Aunty Meg,

There was this guy that I befriended way back in secondary school. In fact, he was my first

man. We parted ways immediately after our final examination and lost contact. I went ahead to the University and capped it with some professional certificates. This guy did not have much education.

I have just been transferred to a branch of our company as the regional head. This guy is a store keeper in this branch. Before I got there I have been warned of a notorious store keeper whose cup of atrocities was already full. On arrival, the notorious store keeper happened to be my former lover.

This shameless guy kept on his notorious way. Even doing worse things than what I met in his records. I had called him to order several times, but seemed not to have grown at all; calling me his wife.

What can I do before this guy cost me my job.

-Henrienta

 

Henrienta,

I believe you will not allow this guy to cost you your job. Put past and sentiments behind you, do your job accordingly. You said there had been prior warnings on him. My advice is that you should follow the due process; issue him query on his notorious activities and deal decisively with him as stipulated in your company’s rules and regulations.

I wish you the best.

-Aunty meg

TUFIAKWA! CHIEF OGBONAYA CANNOT CHAIR MY WEDDING CEREMONY. I REJECT IT IN JESUS NAME.

 

   Chief Ogbonaya was my dad’s school mate in the University. In fact both of them studied law and were called to the bar the same year. They were so intimate that when my parents got married, Mr ogbonaya as he was called then, was the best man. He too got married the same year.

    The Chief and his wife were based in the North while my parents were based in the Eastern part of the country. One day, my parents called me and informed me that I had to move to Zaria and stay with Chief Ogbonaya and his wife. This decision came to me as a surprise, but when my dad explained and gave me details, I could not but agreed to stay with the couple.

    I had been at home for about three years after my school certificate examination without admission. My ambition was to be a lawyer like my dad. My younger brother luckily made all his papers at the first sitting and got admitted to study law at the University of Nigeria. You can now understand why I was desperate.

    The second reason was that Chief Ogbonaya’s wife did not conceive on time. The only child of the family, a boy was just about eight years old. It was concluded that I should go and assist the family while studying for the advance papers that would enable me enter the University.

    When I got to Zaria, I found the couple very accommodating. In fact, Chief Ogbonaya had secured admission for me at the University’s School of Arts and Science. I found the environment conducive and settled down for serious studies.

    Meanwhile, as time went on, I realized that the Chief always starred at me embarrassingly whenever we were alone, he would always find an excuse to touch me. The day he fondly patted me on my buttocks, I did not read any serious meaning to his action but one early morning when I was coming out of the bathroom, I met him in my room. Before I could rush back, he held me and grabbed my breasts    with both hands. “What is this?” I thought; he started squeezing my nipples. It was then I realized I was in great danger. I forcefully pushed him away and ran back to the bathroom and locked the door. It was after I heard the sound of the door that I quietly opened the bathroom door to peep at the room. He had left. I heaved a sigh of relief and went about my chores.

    My doom’s day did not tarry for long. Mrs Ogbonaya had to travel to the East on a family matter. I was left alone with her husband. On the following day of his wife’s absence, he got home very late in the night. He was heavily drunk. I had to stay awake to open the door of the house for him. I was already dosing off when I had his car horn hooting. I stood up and peeped out of the window to ascertain if he was the one. The gateman opened the gate and he drove in. He parked the car, opened the door and staggered out of it. I was already waiting for him at the main door by the time he got there. I greeted him collected his briefcase and closed the door.

    As I was already preparing to sleep, I had only my night gown on. To my chagrin, Chief Ogbonaya grabbed me right there in the sitting room, pushed me down on the couch. There was little or nothing I could do under his mighty strength. He deflowered me that night.

    When he woke up the following morning, he warned me never to tell anyone. After that first gruesome encounter, he made it a regular occurrence. Even when his wife was at home, he would surreptitiously come to my room and got me laid. I have never seen a deep sleeper like Mrs Ogbonaya, or could the husband been doping her with sleeping pills? I could not trust the man; it was not beyond what he could do.

    Respite came for me when the school went on vacation. With nothing much to do, I had to travel home. I told my mum that I was not going back to Zaria. When she insisted, I told her point blank that it would have to be over my dead body. She was visibly shaken and wanted to know the reason for my refusal. I parried all her enteritis. She eventually gave in.   

But with a condition that I had to secure admission into the University in a shortest time possible on this, we made a pact.

I did not know how she made it, but my dad did not press the issue further after his initial admonition. I intensified efforts on my studies as if my life depended on it. God crowned my efforts and I gained admission that same year.

I finished my course in good time and passed out from the law school in flying colours. During my service year, I met a young medical doctor who was the only child of his parents. Ekele, as he was called was head over heels in love with me. Both of us were deeply in love.

Both families were supportive and co-operative. They had already performed the traditional marriage rites. The wedding date had been fixed. We were working on the wedding programmes when my dad suggested that we should invite Chief Ogbonaya to come and chair the wedding reception ceremony.

I rejected this choice vehemently and there and then another choice was made. What would Ogbonaya be saying as the chairman to young couples? What advice could he give me on sanctity of matrimony? Tufiakwa! I reject him in Jesus name.

IS THIS HONEY MOON OR HONEY SUN?

Few years ago while at school of nursing, I joined some of my peers to play some dangerous pranks. One of them has turned out to be my undoing now.

On several occasions; we were contracted out as hostesses during seminars, state sponsored events and other social outings. In the real sense, the word ‘hostess’ is an acronym for prostitute. There were some syndicates in charge of these activities. What you need to do to have regular patronage was to get registered with them.
Another of my escapades was “Tango with dog.” In the game of dogs, we would be asked to have sex with dog under video coverage. The organizers of this game signed undertaking with us never to sell or release the video within the shore of Africa. They assured us that it would be taken to far flung countries like Russia, Ukraine, and Vietnam etc., where nobody could recognize us. We made a lot of money through this, because they were paying us in foreign currencies. We were living big on the campus.

When I left school, I started working in a very large hospital. It was there I met this handsome young doctor on housemanship. Our relationship blossomed and we got married.

We decided to go to Australia for our honeymoon. My husband had this cousin who looked exactly like him. The resemblance was so striking that they looked like identical twins. Gabby, my husband had shown me many of his pictures. This guy was also married and based in Australia. I was eager to meet him.

When we landed in Australia, the couple was happy to receive us. The similarities between Sammy and my husband were striking. His wife also marveled at these. We were enjoying our honeymoon without any distractions when I foolishly used my hand to pick trouble.

Four of us were relaxing in the sitting room one cool afternoon when I walked to their compact disc shelf and picked one. I did not even bother to check the jacket. I slotted it into the home theatre set.

Behold, the compact disc was rolling. The camera zoomed into the face of this young black lady. It also had a close shot on the big fierce looking dog. It then had the panoramic view of the scene where the lady was slowly removing her clothes. She was eventually in total nudity.

She knelt on all fours. The big dog climbed on her back and started simulating sexual act; pumping into her furiously, she was groaning as if in pains.

Back into the room, all eyes were on me with mouth agape. I fainted! Only God knew for how long that took. I just found myself in a bed in the hospital. It was Ann, the cousin’s wife and a nurse that I saw beside my bed. Where is Gabby? Where is Sammy? I wondered.

Ann later disclosed to me that Gabby had left for Nigeria the previous day. After spending a week in the hospital, I was discharged and boarded the next flight to Nigeria. On arrival, Gabby did not talk to me; He had not sent me away but had been avoiding me like a plague. He had not uttered a single word to me since.

Whom should I confide in to help me beg my husband? What can I do to win my husband back? Please help me.

OPINION: TINUBU AND THE REALITY ON GROUND

Senator Bola Hammed Tinubu fondly called Asiwaju which literally translates as “The Leader” has no doubt paid his dues in the political land scape of Nigeria. Right from the SDP, NADECO, AD, AC, ACN through the formation and emergence of the mega-party APC which eventually swept off the self acclaimed biggest political party in the continent; PDP. Tinubu is no doubt a colossus, feathering his nest at every stage of his political career. He no doubt has a large political followership cutting across tribal, religious and ethnic barriers. These three albatrosses had always been the bane of partisan politics in Nigeria. Tinubu has been able to ride their storms successfully.

As popular as the man is in Nigeria politics today, nobody can really accuse him of tribal jingoism. He is a bridge builder no wonder he was installed as the “Jagaban” of Borgu in the North Eastern part of Nigeria. His bridge building process paid off in the emergence of the mega party; APC.

While his political opponents find him difficult to tackle, his political followers are increasingly pinning the toga of dictatorship on him. The criticism is from within. They queried his democratic claims. They are accusing him of forcing his candidates on the majority at every level of the political landscape.

A typical example was what happened in Kogi State. Abiodun Faleke was a local government chairman in Lagos State. He won election on the platform of APC into the Federal House of Representatives, representing Lagos State. While still in the Federal house, he rode on the back of Tinubu to become the running mate of Late Prince Abubakar Audu during the gubernatorial tussle. When Audu died, Faleke fought tooth and nail to replace Audu, an act which the democrats in the party faulted. This was still going on while Faleke has not resigned his membership of the house. The general opinion was that Faleke could not have challenged the party if he did not have approval of his god father. When Faleke was not successful through legal means, he licked his wounds and quietly resumed his sitting in the house, still representing Lagos State. As if there was nobody qualified to occupy the seat.

While the Jagaban and his political son were still Sulking the loss, Ondo State election came. Political watchers thought Rotimi Akeredolu would be the automatic choice of the party because he was their candidate in the previous election which he lost to the Incumbent, Governor Olusegun Mimiko. Tongues were wagging that Akeredolu fondly called “Aketi” had fallen apart with Tinubu. As the tension was mounting, Tinubu came up with another candidate in person of Abraham Oke. Akerdolu was accused of being a surrogate of Tinubu at his first shot. Rumours had it that Tinubu saw the hands of the National Chairman of the party, Chief Odigie Oyegun in all these he accused the Edo Chief of checkmating his hold on the party.

My take on all these is that Tinubu should practicalise his democratic theories in its entirety. We love him and it is painful the way his political relevance is dwindling. Imposition destroys the political family and gives room for disintegration. He should allow every candidate to exercise his/her political freedom without any iota of freedom favoritism or hindrances. He should treat all party candidates as his political sons/daughters. This way, his fatherly relevance will be sustained and the party will remain strong.

Dear Aunty Meg

Dear Aunty Meg,

Please aunty; I want you to help me out of my present predicament. My boss had a guest recently; a childhood friend of his who just came back from Europe. He asked me to take him to a nearby hotel for launch and promised to join us later.

As we were getting down from my car, I saw my bosom friend’s wife hand in hand with another man entering the chalet of the hotel. She did not see me. When my boss eventually came, I had to go back to the office leaving the two friends behind.

As I was rushing out of the bar, I met the two lovers at the entrance again. The man was holding her by the waist. This time around, both of us saw each other! She was visibly shaken and pushed the man away. The man looked at me and felt embarrassed too. We did not say anything to each other and we went our different ways.
To my chagrin, since then, my friend had been behaving in an awkward way towards me. He had refused to pick my calls. What can I do now aunty?

Atewe.

Dear Atewe,

It seems the woman had lied against you. I advise you implore your other friends to inquire what his recent behavior is about. If you know this, then you would know what to do next. Don’t do anything drastic yet. The truth will surely prevail.

Aunty Meg