IS THIS HONEY MOON OR HONEY SUN?

Few years ago while at school of nursing, I joined some of my peers to play some dangerous pranks. One of them has turned out to be my undoing now.

On several occasions; we were contracted out as hostesses during seminars, state sponsored events and other social outings. In the real sense, the word ‘hostess’ is an acronym for prostitute. There were some syndicates in charge of these activities. What you need to do to have regular patronage was to get registered with them.
Another of my escapades was “Tango with dog.” In the game of dogs, we would be asked to have sex with dog under video coverage. The organizers of this game signed undertaking with us never to sell or release the video within the shore of Africa. They assured us that it would be taken to far flung countries like Russia, Ukraine, and Vietnam etc., where nobody could recognize us. We made a lot of money through this, because they were paying us in foreign currencies. We were living big on the campus.

When I left school, I started working in a very large hospital. It was there I met this handsome young doctor on housemanship. Our relationship blossomed and we got married.

We decided to go to Australia for our honeymoon. My husband had this cousin who looked exactly like him. The resemblance was so striking that they looked like identical twins. Gabby, my husband had shown me many of his pictures. This guy was also married and based in Australia. I was eager to meet him.

When we landed in Australia, the couple was happy to receive us. The similarities between Sammy and my husband were striking. His wife also marveled at these. We were enjoying our honeymoon without any distractions when I foolishly used my hand to pick trouble.

Four of us were relaxing in the sitting room one cool afternoon when I walked to their compact disc shelf and picked one. I did not even bother to check the jacket. I slotted it into the home theatre set.

Behold, the compact disc was rolling. The camera zoomed into the face of this young black lady. It also had a close shot on the big fierce looking dog. It then had the panoramic view of the scene where the lady was slowly removing her clothes. She was eventually in total nudity.

She knelt on all fours. The big dog climbed on her back and started simulating sexual act; pumping into her furiously, she was groaning as if in pains.

Back into the room, all eyes were on me with mouth agape. I fainted! Only God knew for how long that took. I just found myself in a bed in the hospital. It was Ann, the cousin’s wife and a nurse that I saw beside my bed. Where is Gabby? Where is Sammy? I wondered.

Ann later disclosed to me that Gabby had left for Nigeria the previous day. After spending a week in the hospital, I was discharged and boarded the next flight to Nigeria. On arrival, Gabby did not talk to me; He had not sent me away but had been avoiding me like a plague. He had not uttered a single word to me since.

Whom should I confide in to help me beg my husband? What can I do to win my husband back? Please help me.

OPINION: TINUBU AND THE REALITY ON GROUND

Senator Bola Hammed Tinubu fondly called Asiwaju which literally translates as “The Leader” has no doubt paid his dues in the political land scape of Nigeria. Right from the SDP, NADECO, AD, AC, ACN through the formation and emergence of the mega-party APC which eventually swept off the self acclaimed biggest political party in the continent; PDP. Tinubu is no doubt a colossus, feathering his nest at every stage of his political career. He no doubt has a large political followership cutting across tribal, religious and ethnic barriers. These three albatrosses had always been the bane of partisan politics in Nigeria. Tinubu has been able to ride their storms successfully.

As popular as the man is in Nigeria politics today, nobody can really accuse him of tribal jingoism. He is a bridge builder no wonder he was installed as the “Jagaban” of Borgu in the North Eastern part of Nigeria. His bridge building process paid off in the emergence of the mega party; APC.

While his political opponents find him difficult to tackle, his political followers are increasingly pinning the toga of dictatorship on him. The criticism is from within. They queried his democratic claims. They are accusing him of forcing his candidates on the majority at every level of the political landscape.

A typical example was what happened in Kogi State. Abiodun Faleke was a local government chairman in Lagos State. He won election on the platform of APC into the Federal House of Representatives, representing Lagos State. While still in the Federal house, he rode on the back of Tinubu to become the running mate of Late Prince Abubakar Audu during the gubernatorial tussle. When Audu died, Faleke fought tooth and nail to replace Audu, an act which the democrats in the party faulted. This was still going on while Faleke has not resigned his membership of the house. The general opinion was that Faleke could not have challenged the party if he did not have approval of his god father. When Faleke was not successful through legal means, he licked his wounds and quietly resumed his sitting in the house, still representing Lagos State. As if there was nobody qualified to occupy the seat.

While the Jagaban and his political son were still Sulking the loss, Ondo State election came. Political watchers thought Rotimi Akeredolu would be the automatic choice of the party because he was their candidate in the previous election which he lost to the Incumbent, Governor Olusegun Mimiko. Tongues were wagging that Akeredolu fondly called “Aketi” had fallen apart with Tinubu. As the tension was mounting, Tinubu came up with another candidate in person of Abraham Oke. Akerdolu was accused of being a surrogate of Tinubu at his first shot. Rumours had it that Tinubu saw the hands of the National Chairman of the party, Chief Odigie Oyegun in all these he accused the Edo Chief of checkmating his hold on the party.

My take on all these is that Tinubu should practicalise his democratic theories in its entirety. We love him and it is painful the way his political relevance is dwindling. Imposition destroys the political family and gives room for disintegration. He should allow every candidate to exercise his/her political freedom without any iota of freedom favoritism or hindrances. He should treat all party candidates as his political sons/daughters. This way, his fatherly relevance will be sustained and the party will remain strong.

Dear Aunty Meg

Dear Aunty Meg,

Please aunty; I want you to help me out of my present predicament. My boss had a guest recently; a childhood friend of his who just came back from Europe. He asked me to take him to a nearby hotel for launch and promised to join us later.

As we were getting down from my car, I saw my bosom friend’s wife hand in hand with another man entering the chalet of the hotel. She did not see me. When my boss eventually came, I had to go back to the office leaving the two friends behind.

As I was rushing out of the bar, I met the two lovers at the entrance again. The man was holding her by the waist. This time around, both of us saw each other! She was visibly shaken and pushed the man away. The man looked at me and felt embarrassed too. We did not say anything to each other and we went our different ways.
To my chagrin, since then, my friend had been behaving in an awkward way towards me. He had refused to pick my calls. What can I do now aunty?

Atewe.

Dear Atewe,

It seems the woman had lied against you. I advise you implore your other friends to inquire what his recent behavior is about. If you know this, then you would know what to do next. Don’t do anything drastic yet. The truth will surely prevail.

Aunty Meg

ADVANTURES OF MR FAARI: WHAT GOES ROUND…

Two popular sayings hit me so hard recently. One was Everyday for the thief, only a day for the owner. The other one was What goes round comes round. The real implications of these aphorisms dawn on me, in a hard way. A friend who is a top military brass had just been promoted. Friends of several years thought this was an avenue for us to get together, therefore a party was organized in his honor. The venue was his home town, which has a state university. The advance party, that is, some of our friends who went earlier had arranged some female undergraduates. These young girls acted as their “wrappers” if you know what I mean. Patto and I got to the town very late, because I had to settle my sister in the nearby school. The head of the “comfort” team, a beautiful young lady promised us that our own girls had been sought for from the nearby university town. The girls were late in coming. When they eventually came, we had all settled in our various rooms. I suddenly had this knock on my door, but I was already in the bathroom. I heard the door opened and the head girl was giving  a girl instructions to be of good conduct. The door jammed and there was silence. I hurriedly finished my bath and opened the toilet door. Behold there was this beautiful girl of about eighteen years old sprawling on the bed in total nudity. I moved closer to her. Was I seeing double? Was I dreaming? It was Romoke! Eemo re o ! Abomination! You want to know Romoke ? Romoke was my sister I gave money to few hours ago in her school! Aaah ! Faari, ti e ba o  !!!        

TANGO IN YEMEN

Kelvin and I met in the bank years ago. Both of us were employed in the headquarters on the same day. We were later on transferred to a branch in the remote part of the state.

One thing led to another and we became lovers. Our marriage was consummated two years later. The marriage was blessed with two children, one girl and a boy.

Years later, we were thrown into labour market, no thanks to the economic down turn rampaging our country at the time. Most of the companies and organizations felt the recession. They were down sizing their staff strength. Our bank was no exception. When the retrenchment news filtered to us, we thought the exercise would only be limited to the staff in the headquarters. How wrong we were. Few months after, we were also swept off by the staff rationalization exercise.

What could we do? Husband and wife jobless at the same time with two extra mouths to feed and several other dependants and aged parents to take care of. Respite came when we were introduced to some syndicates who specialized in recruitment of people into foreign lands. Both of us attended the interview but we were told that the available job was that house help. The destination was the Asiatic country called Yemen.

Yemen? That was my first time of hearing the name. We were told that Yemen was an Islamic country located in the Middle East. The oil rich country was bordered by the Red sea, Saudi Arabia and Indian Ocean.

The arrangement was queer in the sense that the syndicate would be responsible for our visas and flight tickets. The amount spent would later on be deducted from our salaries on monthly basis until we redeemed the entire amount spent. Left with little or no choice, I agreed to go.

On arrival, I was met with cultural shock. Everything was quite different from the way we were in Nigeria. Their resting day was Friday. This was the day they attended Jumat service in the mosque. It was like our Sunday in Nigeria.

 At Yemen, I was sent to a private home made of the husband wife and their son Fuad, who was in his twenties. From the on set, the mother of the house had warned me to steer clear of the men in the house. She narrated how their former househelp; a Kenyan was caught sleeping with both her husband and their son, she said the girl was lucky to have escaped with the skin of her teeth.

She warned that I should listen attentively to what would be my fate, if I should be caught. Her countenance suddenly changed and she snarled in faultering English that she would kill me, slice my body into small pieces, pack the carcass into a sack and throw it into the sea; never to be seen again. She added that before anybody could sense my absence, she would have lodged complaints of elopement with their jewelries, money and other valuables.

Two months into my assumption of duty, the husband suddenly sneaked into my room located far away from the man building. He did not even say anything to me. He did not use to talk much. What did he want? I wondered; before I could ask him, he suddenly jumped on me like a Tiger, tore my dress in shreds, pushed me down and raped me right there on the rug. After satisfying his lust, he rose up and left the room quietly as he had entered.

Two days after, almost about the same time his father came, Fuad, their son entered my room. Both parents had gone out. I saw them when they were driving out. He did not rush at me like his father. His own method was blackmail.

He said he saw what transpired between me and his father the other day. He said he even had everything recorded. He said I should cooperate with him gently if I did not want him to report to his mother.

He started removing his clothes. Who would I report to? It was their world against mine. They owned the land.

After that episode, both the dad and the son made it regular occurrences. What do I do now? See what fraud and corruption in our land have led us into!

   Reader’ comments are welcome.

 Editor 

 

 

OPINION: RUBBIE AND ASO ROCK DEMONS!

Tongues have been wagging on the possibility of some demons residing in the Aso villa; Nigerian seat of power. The claims had it that these demons are always on duty 24/7. These demons mislead the leaders and turn their good intentions into bad ones immediately they entered the villa. Some even went into the extent of saying that these demons were responsible for the death of two heads of government and a first lady.

These assertions were corroborated recently by no other person than our own Reuben Abati. For emphasis sake, Mr. Reuben Abati, whom I fondly called “Eni arugbo ti kekere ye” was a first class journalist , former chairman editorial board  of  Guardians Newspapers (Nigeria) and the former media man for former president Dr Goodluck Jonathan. With these resume, one cannot dismiss with a wave of hand his comments.

In his piece about haunted Aso rock villa, Reuben alleged that demons walked upside down; some men were sterile and could not perform their matrimonial duties. Women too were seeing ghosts even in the daylight and several deaths were recorded. He claimed he refused to sleep in his official quarters throughout his tenure for fear of being killed by these demons. How true all these are, we can never tell, until the people in authority open a positive book of remembrance for yours truly to come and serve in Aso villa!

What surprised me was that immediately Reuben wrote this revelation, EFCC opened a negative book of remembrance for him and invited him to come and account for some money traced into his account. Since then, he has been singing like canary in the custody of EFCC. Could it be that the Aso villa demons are not yet through with Reubie?

AFFECTION SCHOOL 3 in 1 Ceremonies on Sat/17/Dec 2016 @ The School Premises

EVENT: AFFECTION SCHOOL 3 in 1 Ceremonies:

 

 

The Management of Affection School Cordially invites you to their 3in 1 Ceremonies 

 

10th Year Anniversary

Christmas Party

Graduation Ceremony

 

VENUE:

Affection School, 3 Femi Abulude, Ita-Oluwo via Ogijo, Ikorodu Lagos.

 

DATE:

Saturday 17th December 2016

 

TIME:

12 Noon Prompt!

 

For More Information:

Please call 234 8032276015 or 234 7030545086

 

Donations will be thankfully received!

 

We look forward to welcoming you all there!

LEAN ON ME: Aunty Meg

Dear Aunty Meg,

I am in a fix I married my present husband after the untimely demise of my former husband. We had only one daughter after several years of remaining childless. He died when the girl was just twelve years old. I eventually settled with a widower who had grown up children. Not long after my packing into his house, he lost his job. He suddenly became a changed man. He became a drunk and was nagging like hell. My trouble started when I caught him sleeping with my thirteen years old daughter. The girl confessed that he had been doing this with her for some time, but threatened to kill her if she spills the bean. On sighting this gory scene, I could not control myself. I made a fuss over the issue. Our neighbors intervened and he was arrested by the police. His children rallied round him and he was released on bail.

 

Since then I knew no peace. His children had threatened me with eviction from their house. The shameless man had even refused to talk to me since he was released on bail. What can I do now?

-Binta .

I think the only option left for you is to pack out of that God forsaken place. There is no way you can find peace in that house again. The battle line is drawn. The children had seen nothing wrong in what their father had done. This is quite unfortunate. Obtaining his bail from police custody does not mean the end of the case. We have competent bodies that see to the plights of women and defenseless citizens. Seek their assistance or better still get in touch with me. This man must not go unpunished.

-Aunty Meg

ADVENTURES OF MR FAARI: JULIE NA BAD LUCK

I enjoy all your comments o jare without any apology, I am me. I can’t just pretend to be somebody else. Most people out there are pretenders. They do and commit unprintable atrocities and pretend as if nothing has taken place.

You can’t compare me with my boss with due respect, he is a complete gentleman o!Me, I dey for town well-well. If you like call me Mr Pentagon. Some busy bodies called my boss Adetutu at his back. Please don’t let him hear o. He is cool and calculating. That is where it ends. I’ll give you more gists about that man later.

There was this young lady, Julie Keke (Julie for short) who has interest in my boss. He rebuffed all her entreaties and started preaching the gospel to her. When she realized that she could not penetrate him, she switched her interest to me. Faari, a fe arugbo tewu-tewu, agban’ya agba bi eni gbon’wu. Omo Amao Onikoko nidi agbon!

Fast, fast, I read her loud and clear. Before you could say Akanni Aro I have taken her to Galilee, Nazareth and Jericho thrice! Bo!

The three outings were terrible; on the first occasion, I had a burst tyre on our way back and my car ended up in a ditch. The second time, armed robbers pursued us, the tell tale marks of their bullet holes are still on my car up till now. The final straw was that on our last outing, vehicle Inspection officers arrested me and impounded my car for a broken pointer and faulty break light.

Without being told, I told myself enough was enough! I started dodging Julie. I eventually deleted her and her bad legs from my list.

You can see some of the evil things these men of God always miss. Their shield is their righteousness. Please don’t tell my boss my experience o, He would gleefully say “God don catch me”.

BEHAVE RESPONSIBLY; AIDS IS REAL!

LEAN ON ME: Aunty meg

Dear Aunty Meg,

I’ve just got married to my husband. There is no doubt about it, we both Love each other dearly. Our church did not encourage too much intimacy among intending couples, therefore, I did not know much about his habits.

Now that we are married, there are two major habits of his that I found irritating.

My husband snores like pig and he makes noise with his mouth while munching food. His snoring is really getting on my nerves. Whenever, I give him a nudge, he would blame me for disturbing his sleep.

- Jessica

Jessica, I congratulate you on your wedding. We have to fashion a way to your having a happy married life. You seemed threatened by these habits of your husband. To start with let him be conscious of his sleeping position. If he his on his back there is every likelihood for him to snore.

On this noise emanating from his mouth while eating, advise him not to put too much food in his mouth. Introduce these to him gently and with love.  I pray they work. Chiao! –Aunty meg

 

 

 

BETWEEN HAWKS AND VULTURES

 I grew up to know this wealthy elderly woman as my mother. Her peers called her Mama Alade, Alade is my name, while younger ones especially her  siblings called her “Sisi mi”which could mean my sister. She was the eldest in the family. She trained most of her junior ones. She also extended her generosity to members of the extended family.

Sisi mi was a prominent food seller in town. Customers from high and lower cadre of the society patronized her. This was at the time the seat of power was in Lagos, therefore ministers used to send their staff to buy food from our canteen. Commissioners and top civil servants always came from Alausa.

She showered me with love and did not allow me to lack anything. I went to the best schools in town. I was in the boarding house throughout my secondary school days. When it was time for me to go to the university, she made sure I attended one of the best.

The worst happened when I went for one year mandatory National Youth Service corps programme. I received this message that I should come home immediately. It took me two days before I could arrive.

Immediately the taxi dropped me in front of our house, I knew something tragic had happened. The usual bubbling and hustling that characterized our house were lacking. On entering the family sitting room, I saw the eldest male child of the family addressing some members.

When he saw me, he pointed at me and said – “Hen! hen! Here he comes, welcome Alade, how was your journey? I am sorry to inform you that “Sisi mi” is dead! She died three days ago and she had been buried. You can have your seat.”

He continued speaking; I was lost in thought, thinking about the loss, when I heard my name again.

“Alade! Are you listening to me? I was saying Sisi mi is not your mother. Your real mother was one of her workers. The young woman joined Sisi mi carrying a child. That baby was you. She died after working for her for about four years. We could not trace her relations. That is how Sisi mi whom we all knew was childless took over your responsibilities.”

“In short, you are not her biological son, therefore by inference; you don’t have any inheritance in this family. You should be eternally grateful for the training she had given you.”

He looked around and raised his voice for confirmation. “Have I spoken for all the members of this noble family?” 

They all chorused in unison: “Yes, Olori Ebi, you have spoken well!” I took a cursory look at all of them. These were people I knew throughout my life as my kit and kin. Alhaja’s wealth has beclouded them. They all looked like hawks and vultures hovering over a carcass.

I could not control my emotion again. I burst into weeping. None of them consoled me. They were whispering. I plucked up courage and stood up, opened the door and stormed out of the room. I sighted the boy who carried my bag, collected it and walked out of the compound, I felt lonely.

On the second thought, I dismissed all ill-feelings I had towards them. The head of the family was saying the truth, though he said it with a taint of greed. Sisi mi had trained me to the level where I should be able to take proper care of myself without reliance on any inheritance.

I boarded the next vehicle to my base. My next move was to trace my root. Unfortunately, I could not acheive this.

The crux of the story was that one of the grand children had used the large house as collateral for a loan in the bank. When he could not pay, the bank decided to sell the house. Somebody came to inform me because I was one of the military brasses in town. I decided to buy the house. I demolished it and constructed a shopping complex there. I named it Sisi mi – Mama Alade Shopping Complex.

If you shop in Lagos, probably you have bought things from my shopping complex!  

POLITICS: AISHA’S OUTBURST; SAVING BUHARI FROM HIMSELF.

The media was Agog with Aisha Buhari’s outburst on how some cabals have hijacked power from her husband and core APC party faithfuls.

Her response to the question asked by the BBC Hausa reporter that what did she think was responsible for the slowness in the government was revealing. Aisha burst out like an overstretched dam. 

Excerpts:

“In my view I am not a government official and I speak as a woman and a mother. It is known that we will not have a smooth four – year tenure. The first problem is the way this government came into being. No one can say I brought this government into power. People came together and said enough is enough. Nearly half of this people are not involved in running it. They have brought some people who are not politicians, People who did not know what we said we would do and not do during the campaigns, some of them have come out to say they are not politicians but they are sitting in political positions.

Don’t forget some separated from their wives because of politics, some lost their children, some women lose their husbands;  there is nothing that did not happen. But now, with the way things are going, I am not happy because we just started the journey; we have not reached the end. We know that some people who labored have not been brought on board but now those who were  brought  and given positions like head of agencies for example, ( you see such a person fighting his state governor  because they couldn’t contest for the seat with him in PDP and the Governor in the APC, they traded insults), Today, such people are the ones calling the shots”.

If people are wondering about the timing of her Outburst, this was not her first attempt. During a dinner party organized in honor of APC women and Youths at the inception of this administration, Aisha had this to say;

“There is nothing people did not say about the past administration. It is not Jonathan that is not good but the people around him. So, the people that are going to be around General Buhari have to be very careful because this election ended peacefully. We are praying and hoping that people around him should know that it took him twelve years to get to that position and they must know that they are coming to serve the masses, Not General Buhari in Person. It is the people that are around him that will determine the political health of our state”.

The salient question here is that in whose interest is Aisha’s comment? Looking at it critically it all boils down to the general interest of Nigeria and Nigerians. Nigerians can only be great when we put our interest aside and put the interest of this great Nation on the top burner. This woman could have just kept quiet like most of the First ladies before her and kept on enjoying the pecks of affluence and power, but she has decided to be on the side of the masses. Perhaps, If Patience Jonathan had toiled this path, her husband would not have lost the election and shown the way out of the Aso rock villa the way he did.

Aisha’s statement has just confirmed the fear of the majority. People have been wondering if this was the CHANGE they bought line hook and sinker and voted for. It has been confirmed that the proponents of CHANGE are not the ones behind the driver’s seat. That is why the vehicle could not more smoothly. We are now in a period of uncertainty and this is dangerous, if we were to be in the military era, what is happening is a veritable excuse for a coup de tat!

How well do we even know about this man Buhari that we put all our hope on him? Here is a man that was told when he was the military head of states that Gen Ibrahim Babangida was planning to overthrow him. He called Babangida and accused him openly. That one did not deny the accusation but gave a flimsy excuse that some people accused him of brandishing a gun during one of their SMC meetings. The issue was laid to rest just like that. Few months later, Babangida swept him aside in a Palace Coup.

Aisha knew her husband inside out. Nigerians should sit up. There is fire on the mountain! Not Yet Uhuru!

ADVENTURES OF MR. FAARI I’M SEARCHING O!

I thank all my admirers. I appreciate those that their interests were more than mere admiration. I also appreciate your condolences on the demise of Bola. “Na so life be!” Some other friends complained that I was too harsh on her. The two Rashidats mentioned had declared me personal non granta in their state. This job na wah o!

Like the Yoruba would say “Ti iku ban pa ojugba eni, Owe lo npa fun ni”. I have learnt one or two lessons from Bola’s death. One is self control over one’s temper and the other is the evil of promiscuity.

I have agreed with my boss to get married as soon as possible, when some busy bodies in our office told him that some ladies were tempting me again, this was how he reacted in Yoruba.

“A ni ka je ekuru ko tan, awon kan tun ngbon owo re sawo!”

You don’t understand that one? You better go and learn Yoruba language. What he meant was that you people are encouraging me to stay unmarried.

Don’t worry, he has given his mandate, I have equally given him my simple conditions too. My request was that if he could help me get any of the ladies posted here, I would settle down fast, fast. You too are not left out in the search o! For easy identification, I have given them names; “Olajimbiti,” is in T – Shirt while the bicycle rider is “Labidi – Kenke!” I wish you all a successful search.

BEHAVE RESPONSIBLY; AIDS IS REAL

DR RANDY WAS PLAYING GOD

There was this notorious lecturer when I was in the university. His obsession was anything in skirt. Before our set came on board, this man in his 40s had got two wives. Before we graduated, he added another one, making three wives. Two of these three wives were his students.

He was pursuing a particular girl in our set. This girl turned down his advances, but he kept disturbing her. Unfortunately, he met a friend of mine in the room of this girl during one of his visits. He concluded that it was my friend that was befriending her.

This Randy lecturer was not teaching us any course but he was the Dean of one of the departments. We were taking two core-courses from his department, to our chagrin, this my friend scored D from the two courses. We raised eye brow and our suspicion radar focused on the Dean. We did our private investigation and it revealed that he was the one who instructed his lecturers to deal with our friend for insulting him. He did not tell his acolytes that the feud was over a lady. There was nothing we could do about it, our friend carried his cross.

There was another pathetic story of one pretty girl like that. This girl had told her fiancé to wait till their wedding night. She assured him that she was intact. Our Randy lecturer had toasted her from part one. The lady explained to him that she was already engaged. She even showed him the engagement ring. This wicked man waited for her until she got to the final year. The girl failed his course. When one of her mates who had succumbed to his desire went to him for solace, he turned her back.

“Don’t interfere in this issue o! Your friend is stubborn. When you played ball with me, were you stupid? Is she the only one that has a fiancé? Go back and tell her. If she refused to play ball with me, she would not leave this campus. She would keep on seeing me”. With this, he dismissed the peace maker.

After her second attempt at sitting for the examination, the clueless girl succumbed to his desire.

She allowed this wicked man to deflower her. That was her last journey. She did not return back home. The commercial bus she boarded had head collision with another vehicle and she died instantly.

Few years ago, our Randy lecturer had to observe his sabbatical leave in a university located in a neighboring state. Information had it that he continued in his ways, but time has changed. When I saw his Obituary in the newspapers, I did my private investigation. I was curious, because the reports in the media said he was shot in the chest but the assailants did not take anything away from his car; everything was intact.

My conclusion was that probably our Randy friend had met his nemesis. Boys of nowadays don’t allow God to fight their battles, they take guns and settle the issue.

God have mercy.   

POLITICS: CREATION OF GRAZING ZONES; LAND MINE IN WAITING.

By Femi Abulude

At independence, Nigeria was a relatively peaceful country. The skirmishes we had before then were protests and agitation for independence.

This relative peace was truncated by the 1966 coupists who sent the politicians parking from the political space of Nigeria.

Before you start crucifying  me or justifying the reasons for the coup, which they claimed was corruption in high places, nepotism etc. can one honestly say that the political leaders of that time were more corrupt that those leaders; military and civilians, who took over since 1966. The military who came with the corrective mantra failed woefully.

When General Muritala Mohammed took over from General Yakubu Gowon in a military coup. He set up a military tribunal. The outcome showed that ten out of the twelve military governors were indicted for corruption.

Don’t forget that it was the insensitive and parochial actions of the coupists led by Major Kaduna Nzeogwu that set in motion what led to the civil war. After the war, which claimed millions of lives, Nigeria went back to the cocoon of peace, enjoying the petrol Naira boom.

Another rude kick at the peaceful existence of Nigeria was the misadventure of General Ibrahim Babangida and General Sani Abacha. The political gang mire was amicably settled in the usual Nigerian way and all the warring factions sheathed their swords.

Just from nowhere, Boko Haram group came in the guise of Islamic fundamentalists. The Muslims faithful at the initial stage thought they were genuine. They were soon proved wrong. In no long time, blood letting which was initially targeted at churches spread to markets and mosques! Prominent Northern leaders including Emirs and Village heads were attacked as well. Since the emergency of Boko Haram sect, the whole northern part of Nigeria, especially the North eastern part to be précised had not known peace.

Before the full scale attacks of Boko Haram sect, the Fulani herds’ men were always at logger heads with their host communities all over the country.  They were the ones that turned the peaceful Plateau area to perpetual war zone.

The Fulani’s are nomadic in nature; therefore they could not stay in a place. It has always been fisticuffs with the local farmers who claim that the cattle’s were destroying their farm produce.

The bone of contention now is the purported bill being sponsored in the federal house of parliament for the creation of grazing zones for Fulani herdsmen all over Nigeria. If this bill is passed, this will no doubt create an endless imbroglio.

A typical Fulani herdsman is a violent person. If you are in doubt, go and ask Chief Olu Falae, an elder statesman. The herdsmen did not only vandalize his farm serially, they went ahead and kidnapped him in his own farm and put a ransom on his head. He was lucky to come out alive to tell the story.

The herdsmen are always fully armed. perpetually battle ready. This makes the farmer always vulnerable. They would destroy their farm, rape their women and kill the farmers.

Creating a grazing zone means putting the herdsmen with the farmer in the same locality as permanent and legitimate neighbors. This can not work because a typical Fulani man thinks he has the power and he is superior over any other person any where. They did it with the Hausa Kanuri, the Yoruba in Ilorin, Zuru e.t.c. in the Northern part of the country despite their minority status.

My submission here is that, the herdsmen are in business of farming like any other farmer. Let them purchase their grazing land like cocoa or yam farmers would do anywhere. They should also be ready to comply with the norms of their host communities.

In conclusion, if the President, General Mohammed Buhari (Retd) wants us to believe his much touted statements that he belongs to all, let him treat this issue with fairness, and there would be peace.

OBLIVIOUS TARGET



By Femi Abulude

Anytime I think about this story I am about to recount, I always shudder, at the same time I give thanks to God. My escape from an imminent agonizing death was not by my power or might, it was by divine intervention.

When I was a struggling bachelor and a cub reporter in a pioneer soft sell magazine in Lagos. I rented a two room apartment at Ketu. Our landlord who had three wives was staying in the same house with us then.

One queer thing I noticed about this man was that he did not have a separate room of his own. If he came back from work, he would retire to his sitting room. He slept in any of the rooms of his three wives. My own apartment was sandwiched between the sitting room and three of his own rooms.

Out of these three wives, the last one, who obviously was older than the one in the middle, was the trouble causer of the house. This childless woman was always quarrelling. Her bone of contention with the one in the middle was that the husband did not tell her that he had two wives during their courtship. It had then become a morning ritual to witness the thorough bashing of this errant woman by the husband.

Due to the unpredictable nature of my job, I always left home late in the morning and returned very late in the evening. Because of this, I always witnessed this early morning show of shame. While the man was slapping, kicking and whipping this lady, other wives and neighbours would be making half – hearted attempt at separating the warring duo. I would make sure I separated them and piloted the man to his sitting room. Funny enough, he had never refused this gesture, though grudgingly, he would follow me.

One thing led to another, and this troublesome wife packed out of the house. Everyone heaved a sigh of relief.

There was this elderly man called Mr. Aderoju in the house. He was a respectable gentleman, married and had two of his younger brothers staying with him. One evening, the younger of these boys was arrested for wandering by the police. It was an eye witness who knew him that came to report to his brother.

When I got back home that night, Mr. Aderoju knocked on my door and said he had been waiting for me. He narrated the arrest of his brother to me. I calmed him down and promised to follow him to the station the following day as it was late.

We got to the station; I requested to see the Divisional Police Officer in charge of the station. I introduced myself to him and explained our mission. He asked if we were sure that the boy was in his station. Mr. Aderoju answered in affirmative. He gave his name and description. Few minutes later, the young boy was brought to us. He narrated how he was abducted along with others despite the fact that he produced his identity card of the plastic company he was working for. The DPO apologized on behalf of his overzealous boys and released the boy to us.

Mr. Aderoju was full of appreciation. He said “Brother Journalist”, (That was what they called me in that house) “I don’t know how I could express my appreciation. I know you are a very nice person, but what you have done this morning beat my imagination. Just keep on with your good behavior. God will always be your guide”.

I thanked him and told him that it was my pleasure. When we got home, he invited me to his room and closed the door. “What does this man want again?” I thought. He started explaining in whisper how the landlord had put me on surveillance. He said, the man had been suspecting me of having illicit love affairs with his last wife. I did not know how I screamed out. “The troublesome woman?” He answered in affirmative.

He said the man held his suspicion on the boasting of his wife that she was the one that assisted me to purchase my newly bought video set at a cheaper rate from her sister in Idumota market. (This my video set was the first in the whole neighbourhood then). Mr. Aderoju said it was because of this that the landlord sent the woman away. His advice was that I should go and meet the landlord and explain my own side of the story, I should say he was the one who told me.

I could not go to work again on that day. I was waiting for the landlord to come back from work. When he eventually came, I told him that I wanted to have a discussion with him. He said I should wait till the following morning.

When I got to his sitting room the following morning, I met him and his elder brother who used to collect the house rent. He must have sent for him because he was not staying in our house. I greeted them and he motioned me to a seat. At this juncture, Mr. Aderoju too entered the room. I told him what I heard, leaving out the source of the information. I bought out the receipt of the video set, video cassette rewinder and the chromed – iron stand I bought on the same day from a departmental store in Oyingbo market.

He collected the receipts from me perused them and handed them over to his brother, his brother glanced through and handed them to Mr. Aderoju. He read through them too and returned them to me.

It was the elder brother that first spoke. He said they were already preparing my eviction papers as my rent would due in few months time. He said with the receipts and my rebuttal, they would give me benefit of doubt, but still keep me on surveillance.

The landlord said he liked me a lot. He confessed that many at times when I separated him and his wife, he would feel like pouncing on me too, but he would not have the courage to do so. He also confessed his love for this woman. He said he did not send her away as some people believed. He said he only relocated her. He warned me that if there was anything between us, I should put a stop to it otherwise I would regret it. He also threatened that he had instructed some boys in the area where the woman was relocated to deal with me if they sighted me with her.

The elder brother concluded that probably the lady was just boasting in order to make her husband jealous and danced to her tunes.

I thanked all of them and prayed for their children. I later on went to Mr. Aderoju and expressed my appreciation and thanked his wife most especially for advising him to inform me. There and then, I made up my mind to vacate the house, therefore when my rent expired. I packed out willingly.

ALERO JUDAS!

As a young girl in the university I enjoyed life to the hilt. I was even a member of a five girl social club on our campus aptly named “The Glamour Five.” The memberships of this club were not more than five at any given time. If a member or more passed out of the institution, we replaced such members with new applicants.

Apart from organizing social events like beauty pageants, fashion shows, film exhibition and musical concerts, we also served as consultants to those men who were in need of female partners during conferences, political meetings and dinner parties.

As a matter of policy, no member was allowed to have a lover within the precinct of the university. We always kept recalcitrant lecturers at bay with or powerful men outside the campus. Any randy lecture who dared to push things too far did it at his own peril. Our school was a state owned University, so it’s just a matter of pulling the right strings from the ministry and the lecturer would meet his water loo! They knew better and we were always left alone. We even assisted some friendly ones among them to pull strings and enhance their promotions and political appointments. That was how powerful we were.

Despite my various amorous escapades, I still maintained a regular lover outside the campus. Dewale fondly called “Adewalag” (because he schooled in Lagos) was a son of a popular female hotelier in town; he was married to a beautiful daughter of one of the high chiefs in town. This handsome and rich guy was the only man I always had unprotected sex with. I could not just resist him.

Dewale would not hear of condom and I needed his regular supply of money to maintain my status on the campus.

This my indiscretion is the cause of my present predicament. At the last count, I had about six abortions without much ado. When I missed my monthly period again after spending a weekend with Dewale in Abuja, I did not see it as a serious issue. Even after receiving the money for the abortion, I still waited another month before I decided to terminate it.

On the appointed date, the doctor examined me and instructed that I should go for a scan. This was strange, but I obliged. I brought the result back to him. After the initial Pleasantries, he went through it and shook his head. His mien changed and he said in a mellowed tone:

“Nkoyo, I’m afraid you have to go for an operation. This pregnancy is a breach. What it means in a layman’s language is that instead of the fertilization to take place in the uterus, it took place in one of the fallopian tubes..,” what he was saying was too technical for me to comprehend as at then. My major concern was to get rid of the foetus and get going with my Life. I went back to Dewale and he gave me the required funds for the operation. This was performed promptly and it was successful. After few weeks of recuperation, I started my normal way of life again __ “G5 no day carry last!”

After graduation, I entered the world with full throttle. I rocked life is the fullest, but my parents would not allow me to rest. They wanted me to get married at all cost. When my elder brother, Richard, joined in the pressure group, I knew I could not hold on for too long. The recurring topic was marriage, I had to succumb eventually.

There was this handsome guy I met during my first visit to Sweden. I had gone there at Richard’s invitation. One thing led to another, and Soni proposed marriage. I later on realized that it was Richard and his wife that did the match making.

We had to come back home to arrange the wedding ceremony. Unknown to me, Richard had informed our parents about the guy. In a short time, we became man and wife. He turned out to be loving and caring.

 After about three years of marriage and pregnancy did not come, I became jittery. Understandably, pressure had started coming from his family at home.                   

Though, he tried to conceal it, he too had started fidgeting.

I could read it on him. He always had this forlorn look. This was not there at the earlier period of our marriage.

I decided to go for medical checkup. The result? The medical doctor confirmed what I had known; that one of my fallopian tubes was ruptured. The one that pulled the carpet off my feet was that the second tube had been blocked!

I had to rush back to Nigeria to intimate my bosom friend, Alero. She was one of the Glamour five way back in our university days.

She reeled our names of marabouts, priests, Alfas, etc who could be of help. We quickly got the ball rolling; going from one place to another. Spending fortune as we kept on consulting them.

By then, I had got a thriving business in Sweden; therefore, I could afford shuttling between Nigeria and Sweden. At a point, I became ill and Alero had to come to Sweden to take care of me. She had lost her husband in a plane crash some years earlier and her two children were in boarding school. She couldn’t wait for too long though. She had to go back when the holiday time was approaching.

Not long after Alero’s departure, Soni said he had to visit his parents in Nigeria. This trip took his entire annual leave. I became suspicious of this impromptu journey. Was Soni going to bow to the pressure of his parents? Had they got another woman for him in Nigeria? I decided to hope for the best; My Soni would not do such a thing.

We kept on communicating on daily basis. I tried to detect through the tone of his responses if there could be any tell – tale signal of infidelity. Nothing gave him away. Even when he returned, I did not notice any sign.

Not for too long though. One chilling evening, I received an anonymous call from Nigeria if I knew that a lady was carrying my husband’s baby. After dropping the bomb shell, the caller switched off her phone and I couldn’t link up with her again. I allowed the information to sink. I did not confront him immediately. When I eventually plucked up – courage to ask him, he denied it vehemently.

“My Angel, I’m not entirely surprised at such rumour. Many guys and ladies over there were envious when I arrived in Nigeria. This could be their machination. Forget it Nkoyo”.

That was how he dismissed the issue. When I told Richard, he advised me to be calm. My next life of action was to call Alero in Nigeria to help me do espionage on the pregnant lady. Her phone was ringing but she did not pick it. What could have gone wrong? Has she lost her phone? After several days of trying her number, I gave up.

I became confused and restless. I decided to visit Nigeria myself. On such trips, Alero was always handy to welcome me at the airport, but on this fateful trip, Alero was not available and I felt it. When we alighted from the aircraft and concluded the necessary protocols and formalities, I picked a taxi and decided to go straight to Alero’s house at Ogba. At least if she had left the town, there would still be some neighbours who would know her whereabouts.

Alas! Alero was at home. Alero! I screamed. She did not sound too enthusiastic to see me. I tried to hug her but I realized she was spotting a protruding belly. Alero was pregnant! “Wonders shall never end” I thought.

“Alero, how are you? What happened to your phone? I made several attempts at getting in touch with you on phone without luck. You don’t look happy… Why?”

She tried to mumble some words and stopped. Could it be the pregnancy that was taking its toll on my friend? She tried to put up some false pleasantries, but I was not fooled. Something was wrong somewhere, but I could not put my hands on it. I did a fast thinking and told her that I had to rush to Abuja that day that I would see her in three days time. I picked my load again and dragged them out of her house on the street. I flagged down the next available taxi and drove straight to Airport hotel in the neighbourhood.

After settling down in my room, I decided to call some of my other friends in town. The first one I called, Kike, gave me the clue to my worries. In fact, she was the one behind the anonymous call I received in Sweden. She dropped the bomb shell. She revealed that it was guilty conscience that was troubling Alero. She disclosed that the pregnancy Alero was carrying belonged to my husband. She made several frantic efforts to terminate it, but Doctors advised her that it was too risky to attempt. That was why she left the pregnancy. I thanked Kike and hung the phone.

“Alero, pregnant for Soni! My mind flashed back to her last visit to us in Sweden. I recollected my suspicion on Soni is sudden vacation trip to Nigeria. So this was what it was all about? The battle line is drawn. I can never allow Alero to spoil my joy.